Gaia Community: MsCapriKell's Blog

How to Think Like a CEO - her notes (part one):

http://mscaprikell.gaia.com — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 16:09:44 GMT

...so, I had started reading this book back in June 2007 when I first started working for Zaadz. I knew there was an inherent value to *knowing* the men for whom I worked from this perspective - to understand them and their position - AND to work towards my own goals. I've been picking at this book since I got laid off from Gaiam in August 2008 and really feel that it has so much information on personal development (for me anyway).

These are some of the highlighted snippets that I have picked up so far:

But the vital traits -- the attributes that make up the right stuff to get to the taller peaks -- are there if you know how to look. You should be able to recognize a good percentage of these qualities in your own CEO. Most important, these are traits you should consider developing for yourself.
Despite how high up you are or how far away from your level they are, one thing is certain: A CEO's personality, character, drive, and spirit will affect you now and in the future.
Work on improving you own qualities to surpass yourself as well as others.
Vital Traits:
- 1st: Secure in Self
  - Top CEOs want to deal with self assured people over any other type. For some that might seem lik a statement of the obvious, but remember, people tend to choose people like themselves to work with.
  - Management is to a large extent effective delegation. Leadership, of course, is the ability of inspiring and motivating people to worthwhile achievement. Both require respect. If you don't have it for yourself you're not likely to get it from others.
  - Somtimes people who are insecure make it to the ranks of CEO because they overcompensate so fiercely. (** I loved Duane Pearsall's story that went along with this **)
  - Children are not born with self-doubt, they learn it.
  - Effective chiefs have found the way back to that "child" in themselves. They go on without self-doubt to face new challenges with enthusiasm and a secure feeling of adequacy.
- 2nd: In Control of Attitude (**this is VERY important**)
  - If you lose control, you lose. Period.
  - "We smile because we want to not because we have to." (**a company slogan of Southwest Airlines**)
  - ...attitude is one area where you do have control.
  - Only people ho manage their attitude avoid being managed by others.
  - ... immediately you start working from a stronger foundation with the goal-achieving, positive words "I can" instead of the self questioning "Can I?"
  - What he was doing with his attitude control is relaxing anxieties and thinking through situations rather than simply reacting. It's so uncomplicated, yet so few people do it consistently.
  - Change outlooks when you need to and want to.
  - "There are few negative, sour people who pull success off." - Lodwrick M. Cook
- 3rd: Tenacious
  - Keep going until something stops you, then keep going.
  - Hold firmly to your aspirations; tenacity breeds tenacity as success breeds success.
  - Tenacity is not stubbornness elevated to the level of stupidity. It is commitment to the result regardless of what has to be endured along the way.
  - There are exceptions to perserverance:
    - Give up if you are in a business situation that is throwing good money or resources after bad or putting good people into bad projects. [...] "Know when to hold them and know when to fold them."
    - Stop if you are wrong but your pride hates to admit it. Tenacity in that situation isn't a strength, it's a sickness.
- 4th: Continuously Improving
  - Continuously improving means learning.
  - To continuously learn:
    - talk to people,
    - learn from mistakes,
    - learn from other's experiences,
    - emulate effective leaders,
    - learn something new everyday.
  - ...get in among the employees, customers, suppliers, competitors, and community. "Manage by walking around."
  - Talking with purpose (not just chattering) to various people adds to your power.
  - You know that experience comes from mistakes. Mistakes provide the opportunity for some of your best learning.
  - Nothing happens unless people are willing to make decisions, and you can't make decisions without making mistakes.
  - A good boss is the best business school in the country. (*yeah-yuh*)
  - Be excrutiatingly aware. Develop your senses.
  - Live and learn. Observe. Listen. Think. Discuss.
  - Be aware of balanced and appropriate improvement, but always, always, always be tenacious about continuously improving.
  - Do not improve only your technical expertise. For example, improve in personality, honesty, awareness, and common sense.
- 5th: Honest and Ethical
  - Honesty is truth, integrity, being genuine, equitable, fair, and frank. It implies an absence of fraud, deciet, artifice, and deception.
  - "There is no situational honesty. Honesty is honesty." - Leonard Abramson
  - "We have to recognize that our view of truth is partial." - H. Richard Niebuhr
  - Without honesty, there is no way to truly be a good human.
  - Near-perfect leaders' [...] Do's and Don'ts:
    - Don't intentionally mislead or misrepresent.
    - Don't straddle the line.
    - Don't break promises or go back on your word (despite the fact that it is the norm for many political leaders).
    - Don't waltz around. Don't put a "spin" on it.
    - Do be honest with yourself -- internally and externally.
    - Do remember that regardless of how carefully you disguise the truth, someone will find out. It will be embarrassing at least.
    - Do remember that your distrust of others will often justify their distrust of you. (**if all else is ignored - THIS is paramount to learn**)
    - Do be precise, crisp, then move on. Long winded explanations get you in trouble.
    - Do understand misunderstandings.
    - Do realize one person's honesty is another person's dishonesty. (**how I see this, is repeating what another has said only to make yourself "sound honest" is not honest**)
    - Do bring out into the open uncomfortable issues.
    - Do stop exaggeration. Say it like it is. That is good enough. Keep in touch with reality, then you won't get caught "believing your own press."
    - Don't forget even for a moment, people go to jail for dishonesty.
  - Integrity goes along with honesty.
  - Consider the thought of using honesty to get ahead, to make money, to do a job. Radical, isn't it!
- 6th: Thinking Before Talking
  - Why should you try extra diligently to think before you talk?
    - You are more responsible for your words and their results.
    - You avoid repeating yourself.
    - You minimize stuttering and stammering and unnecessary "uh"s and "and"s.
  - Speech is not some sort of proof of intelligence. Appropriate speech is powerful; silence is powerful, too. Listen. Observe. Evaluate. Then talk.
- 7th: Original
  - ...the CEO has the opportunity to act and think with imagination. The CEO
    - has the liberty and freedom to be atypical,
    - can risk being different,
    - can afford to be unique,
    - has to be original if she/he is going to set the standard for her/his people. People often wonder what the boss wants. A boss needs to show them by setting the example.
  - "I take the time to think. Lightning strikes and fireworks go off and it becomes inspiration." - John Bianchi, Ph.D.
  - "Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein.
  - The simple way to get ahead in business is to give top performance today and significantly improve the performance tomorrow.
  - Never be satisfied with simply maintaining the status quo.
  - Originality is the principal source of human improvement.
  - How to be more original:
    - Decide to be. It all starts with attitude management.
    - Be easy on yourself.
    - Support others.
    - Keep at it. [...] Tenaciously minding your mind can result in a breakthrough hen you least expect it and probably most need it.
  - Leadership vision is all about originality.
- 8th: Publicly Modest
  - Secure people can be publicly modest. Insecure people aren't.
  - [Seasoned near-perfect chiefs] observe propriety in speech, behavior, and dress.
  - Go after the problem with vigor. But every once in a while look over your shoulder. If they ain't coming with you, you ain't leading.
  - Before you get too taken wiht yourself, go sit under a tree and remember your tortuitous circumstances are due to time, place and friends.
  - "Graciously accept nice things someone has to say about you but don't believe it. As CEO you get more credit than you deserve when things are going well. And when things aren't going well, you'll get more blame than you deserve." - Hal Krause
  - Being publicly modest is being persistent in your efforts toward living an effective life. It also means being patient that others will acknowledge your abilities before you have to point these out to them (which certainly dilutes any thrill you might get from being recognized by others!)
  - Not one chief [...] interviewd felt he or she always got credit as deserved. Probably no one in life feels they get due recognition. That's life.

...
And that is part one of my blogging on this book; I will read a bit more and highlight more... and come back to this as a multiple entry blog topic. Aside from this being a brilliant book on CEO traits... I still feel this is a book that can be about being a powerful and positive human... not just CEO.

Tags: How to Think Like a CEO, book, review, thoughts, highlights, outline, D.A. Benton

ALIVE!

http://mscaprikell.gaia.com — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 20:59:54 GMT

Okay, so ... yeah ... it's been a while since I've blogged here. So... ya'all wanna know what's been up with me? (rhetorical... I've received emails / shouts asking about it... heh)

So... for a while I had an individual as a bookkeeping client that brought in a bit of money when I was in dire needs... and from there the energy started flowing again. I have picked up a couple of other clients for side work - but then it happened... I had interviewed for a company goodness... back towards the end of 2008; didn't get the job at that time... but really liked them a LOT. So, I remember one day a couple weeks following the interview (after they had chosen someone else for the position they interviewed me for)... I stated to myself, "I *WANT* to work for that company, dammit - and somehow, Universe, you will make it happen." ... Now, having said that - I had NO idea how on Earth that was going to happen.

Then... by command of "As You Wish" ... in December 2008, I received a call from the very company I had demanded that the Universe give to me.

I am now (and have been since January 5th) working for Natural Capitalism Solutions, Inc. - they are a non-profit company and they hired me (along side another accountant/bookkeeper) to clean up a bit of a mess that the prior accountant (and a couple other before her) had created in the books. Needless to say, they were in dire need of us... especially after getting into the work that needed to be done. I felt empowered to be using the accounting skills that I have... but even more excited that they also need a person with social media / social networking expertise ... I am going to be working towards that as soon as the accounting project is caught up.

So... this was a dream job that I ASKED the Universe to send to me - I had vaguely remembered the book, Natural Capitalism - creating the next industrial revolution. One person that I had kinda looked up more information on was L. Hunter Lovins. I admire powerful women who are positive role models to whom I can look for inspiration. Hunter is definitely an inspiration to me. The first day I walked into the office to work - she was there - by very odd fluke of chance as this woman travels so much to educate, inspire and empower others to "be the change" so to speak... towards sustainability, renewable energy and positive business practices. It literally took me a while to realize that *THIS* was *THE* very Hunter Lovins that I had researched.... O!M!G! ... she's REAL. As in... down-to-earth, talks WITH you - not at you, and she is human... I know that sounds weird to say that... but some people get so into their heads about their position at a company or so driven into their life purpose that they overlook human interaction - Hunter does not do that. She checks in with people in the office and treats people very well. Now, having said that... she is also a very as-a-matter-of-fact person - she says what she means and means what she says, which can come across as harsh to outsiders getting to know her. I admire how direct she is and how she knows exactly what she wants. Determined, driven, passionate, intelligent, articulate and able to inspire with her speeches/presentations. She is - IMHO - a world-changer; someone who is out there putting her feet to the pavement and making every effort to help others learn how to become more sustainable and energy efficient.

So... that's the update on where I am working (and a bit of my star-struck awe of Hunter Lovins) ... I will definitely be keeping everyone updated as much as I can as my projects evolve and my work with this fabulous non-profit company grows. I know that I have so much to offer them - and the wonderful thing about this job... I love going into work ... I seriously enjoy my co-workers and see the passion in so many of them (including the passionate interns who work there, too!!!)

As I get to know more about everyone, I will be trying to share about them as well... not sure where I will be doing that... but I will make every effort to at least come back to my blog and share links to them.

I am still very passionate about Gaia and the original reason I joined this beautiful community... I still believe in that vision/purpose/mission... and I will continue living that in my life and sharing the community. So you will still see me here... maybe not as frequently as I used to be... but, my heart is still here... regardless of what has happened in the past.

...

oh... the website is currently being redesigned for NatCapSolutions.org... so please be patient... I will alert everyone when the fresh, new, beautiful site is up and running.

Tags: update, work, Natural Capitalism Solutions, L. Hunter Lovins, sustainability, renewable energy, life

Pain in Paper and Pen

http://mscaprikell.gaia.com — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 05:50:16 GMT

I took a break this evening and wrote in my paper journal; I've been struggling with something as of late and I felt that paper was the best method to use first. I'm not shy about putting my paper writings into this form, my online journal... so...

if you are reading this, please be aware that it is RAW format ... I am not looking for feedback - this is just processing what's going on in this vessel.

Here is the journal:

Where I am struggling with the forgiveness is the letting go... or concern that the "other" has not let it go. This is primarily based on the fact that the "other" (who was previously a friend in my life) does not want to communicate with me after several years have passed.

Logically, I understand that I played a part in being their "pain" in the situations as much as I feel that they were the "pain" from my perspective. (We both feel wronged, I get that) I feel that I was "wronged" but it seems that they see me as the only wrong one. That makes me feel sad because I feel unacknowledged, repressed, and blocked. I have taken these feelings deeply into my Emotional Body, the painbody, and have limited my friendships to people who are far away, only virtual, or the like. And when I do get close to new friends, life circumstances seem to come up (do I subconsciously bring these about due to my views of myself as "undeserving"?) that separate me from them.

I have so many reasons why people *shouldn't* or probably won't want to get close to me - and concurrently, I try so hard to build myself a social network, to engage myself with people that I find inspiring. And yet I am terrified of whether or not these social connections really see me or if I am just an internet/SM commodity to sell their "wares" to. I truly do find my social networking connections interesting and valuable and want to hear about their "wares" - it's sometiems what has inspired the connection in the first place.

But, it has come up again through a fond memory or coming across those "old friends'" blogs or photos (yeah, I've kept bookmarks and connections on places like Flickr) ... Anywho...

I don't *hate* these people, so I *want* to communicate happiness when I see something positive, or see a cute photo shared... but I observe things like my comment getting deleted from photos - and it hurts all over again - it feels like they hate me - that what I did, the part I played in the past was so awful to them that social amicable interactions aren't an option. I can't share that I am happy for them or that I enjoy their creativity. I feel like I am still being punished. Why would any new friendships be able to grow in this kind of soil?

I'm not saying I want to jump back into these people's lives - just to be able to share an amicable smile.

How has this carried forward in my life?

I cloister myself.
I have a social anxiety disorder
I try TOO HARD - hoping that I'll find forgiveness from a stranger.
I can't see what others see in me - even from my sisters.

I can't truly *see* my current friends because I am deeply terrified to open the door to my past to let them see where I've been - am I a reflection of my past? Or a hope of an unknown future? Because I have absolutely NO IDEA of what *is* right here, right now. I know that this is the only place I truly exist, but I don't know what that means.

Even through the struggles, I never stopped loving these people from my past; so, I've carried them with me in my heart, remembering the moments of joy and closeness... and I miss that.

Now, if I get into a great conversation with a friend, I can start feeling this *presence* and I get out of the funk - but it's moments lik this that I get scared that I will be alone and unknown for the rest of my life.

"You are the only *YOU* in existence." - thought popped into my head - felt like an angelic hand on my shoulder.

I try to find validation in my "responsibilities" - like work. I can pull myself "out-of-this-funk" by remembering that I have work that I need to do - that I need to be present for - that I've made a commitment to do. So, I feel that I don't have time to "go there" - I can't not work; it's what pays the bills so I can live here.

I'm feeling terribly embarrassed at not "having it together" enough to live for real. I hope that in just being present for each day that I connect with my life purpose - and a couple of times, I thought I was connected and on it. And maybe I was, or even still am, I just don't (can't?) see it right now. And that's what terrifies me - what the fuck is my purpose anymore?

Tags: raw journal, pain, past, validation, forgiveness, emotions, life

2009 Totem Animal - Blue Jay

http://mscaprikell.gaia.com — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:55:40 GMT

I found this one this year by ASKING FOR IT. What I mean by that is, I quieted my mind and simply asked the Universe to allow my totem animal to speak to me. Instantly I heard what I thought was a hawk. So I open my curtain to see where this creature is... much to my surprise... what I saw hopping in a tree outside my window was the Blue Jay. Making the call that I had mistaken for the hawk. And so... I explored... Blue Jay?

(from a link another friend had sent me for a different reason: http://www.whats-your-sign.com )

Animal symbolism of the blue jay includes:

Loquaciousness
Communication
Determination
Assertiveness
Faithfulness
Intelligence
Advantage
Curiosity
Vibrancy
Clarity
Energy

Like the crow, magpie and raven, blue jays are talkative creatures utilizing a wide range of vocalizations to express their opinions. Indeed, their speech abilities are so advanced, that they are able to mimic other birds and even humans. Blue jay’s have been known to mimic hawk calls as a ploy to lure these birds of prey away from jay’s nests.

Likewise, those with the blue jay as their totem are quite loquaciousness, and have the gift of gab. Common vocations of those with the blue jay as their totem are sales people, lawyers, politicians, public speakers, and teachers.

Animal symbolism of determination, assertiveness, and intelligence is also a shared trait among those who claim the blue jay as their totem (and also common attributes with those having the vocations above listed). We see these characteristics in the blue jay because it is fiercely bold against its enemies.

The jay is fearless when it comes to protecting its partner, young and territory. So too are those with this animal as their totem. They will defend their positions against adversaries who seem much more powerful than themselves – often with successful results.

Blue jay animal symbolism resonates truth, faithfulness, and solidarity because they are vigilant in their tasks. They also keep the same mate for life, which is symbolic of endurance, patience and loyalty. The jay is an excellent symbol for those wishing to honor their long-lasting bond between friends, family and lovers.

In the spiritual realm, the blue jay speaks of clarity and vision. In Native American symbolism (namely the Sioux Nation) the azure of the jay against the blue sky indicated a “double vision” or double clarity. This visual/spiritual “blue on blue” concept speaks of purity of the soul, truth of the heart, and clarity of thought.

In dreams the blue jay animal symbolism also deals with clarity – but of higher thoughts, and taking action. When we dream of blue jays our deeper selves may be telling us that we are not being honest with ourselves about something, and it’s time to “come clean” with our thoughts. Blue jay’s in dreams are also symbolic of taking action in the direction of our highest truth. The jay asks for honesty, and forthrightness – any other action taken (such as deceptive or dishonest action) will mean double jeopardy for us in our waking hours.

These spiritual and dream impressions are especially poignant because the jay is an air animal totem. Creatures of the air naturally symbolize the realm of thought, higher ideals, spirituality and the attainment of higher truth.

The Sioux also observed the jay preferring fir and oak trees for their homes and nesting areas. These trees are symbolic of longevity, endurance and strength, and so share the same animal symbolism with the blue jay.

This is not to say the jay is persnickety. On the contrary, the blue jay animal symbolism includes aspects of opportunity and advantage because it will make its home anywhere. From supermarket awnings, to mailboxes, the blue jay is extremely resourceful and makes the best out of its environment. Those with the jay as their totem are likely to be the same way. Generally easy-going, jay people are able to make a turn situations around to their best advantage, and make awesome lemon aid out of the sourest of lemons.

Blue jay’s are vastly curious, stopping to peck at any shiny thing that catches their eye (much like crows and magpies). Those who resonate with the blue jay will also find themselves equally curious. Indeed, blue jay people have are always dabbling in new directions, gathering new insight, and slaking their curiosities. These people tend to be a jack-of-all trades, knowing a little bit about seemingly everything. This makes them fantastic trouble-shooters and quite resourceful (not to mention fascinating party guests).

Have you considered your totem companion by connecting with nature, lately? See what you find!!

Tags: animal totem, animal symbolism, blue jay, communication, determination, assertiveness, faithfulness, intelligence, curiosity, clarity

Results of Personality Test

http://mscaprikell.gaia.com — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 07:19:05 GMT

You are best described as:

USUALLY TAKING CARE OF OTHERS

Words that describe you:

Understanding
Unquestioning
Humane

Selfless
Gentle
Kindhearted

Gullible
Indulgent

A General Description of How You Interact with Others

Here's one important truth about you: you have a tender heart. Yes, you know that others need to learn to take care of themselves. Yes, you know they need to accept the consequences of their foolish or bad behavior. And sometimes, even when your instinct is to help them, you will let them fend for themselves and let them suffer the consequences of their choices or circumstances.

But most of the time you are there to help when they need you. If they are in trouble, you offer compassion and go out of your way to be helpful. If they need someone who will listen, you are trustworthy and sympathetic. And you are direct with them; when they need advice or counsel, you offer it in a straightforward, direct manner, without beating around the bush.

You're also smart enough to know that you cannot take good care of others if you fail to take good care of yourself, so you listen to your own wants and needs. If you've run out of sympathetic energy, you spend time restoring yourself. If you've ignored your own pain or frustration, you find a friend who will listen well, or go into your own private healing place and give yourself permission to focus on you.

But before long, you're back at it with your friends, offering a sympathetic ear and compassion on which they learn to trust, also giving straightforward advice and counsel when they ask for it. You do know how to take care of yourself, but your genuine interest is in taking care of others.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You

Selfish people might be embarrassed by you. While they're using their time and energy almost exclusively on themselves, they see you giving time to others, and your kindness puts them in a bad light.

Maybe they'll think you're a phony, that you use your altruism to get others indebted to you so they'll then owe you a favor. Or perhaps they'll accuse you, directly or behind your back, of focusing on the needs of others so no one ever focuses on your foibles or your genuine wounds.

All of these are false accusations; yours is a genuine compassion, because you truly have a tender heart. One criticism might be more substantial, though. People might notice when you let things get out of balance and spend so much time responding to others that you neglect your own needs.

Perhaps it's true to some extent that you are more comfortable when the focus is on someone else's needs than when you and your needs are front and center, and this may be a criticism worth paying attention to.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You

Positive responses to you are likely to far outweigh negative responses. For many people, your genuine kindness will be an example of a way to treat others and a way we want others to treat us. They will see in you the traits of compassion and sympathy which they might want to focus on in the development of their own character.

For those people you help you will be the friend they need, there at the right moment to help them when they've stepped into yet another thicket of pain or confusion. They will be grateful for your listening, for your straight talk when they need straight talk more than anything, and for the hand you extend so they can find their way, with your help, out of whatever tangle they've gotten themselves into.

Tags: personality test, understanding, unquestioning, humane, selfless, gentle, kindhearted, gullible, indulgent

A Time of Reflection

http://mscaprikell.gaia.com — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 06:06:16 GMT

Okay... so here it is... 2008 coming to a close ... and 2009 eager to begin. So I went back into the blog archives to find out ... what Intentions did I set for 2008 - and am I still working on any of those intentions?

RECAP:

2008 Intentions

** I have produced a set of my own Divination Cards that will inspire others to connect with the Source/Divine/God regularly!

** I am in a position that allows me to fully express my creative nature and bring together some of the most inspiring people, projects, events that will change the world!

** I am loved deeply and authentically for who I am.

** I am experiencing phenomenal breakthroughs on healing for my own spiritual journey and share that with others so that they, too, may heal and grow!

** I have established a regular community gathering that encourages and empowers people to joyfully share what they are most passionate about with their own personal communities - and share it worldwide!

** I have created a series of workshops that help bring new levels of awareness to people through their own breath and positive affirmations.

** I manage to create the most positive social connection with someone that I deeply admire and wish to share GAIA Community with. (OH, you will HAVE to stay tuned for this one!!!) {giggles} I am DREAMING without limits and will do whatever I can to make this happen!!

(...)

I vow to live to my highest potential, in 100% authenticity, integrity and impeccability - loving myself fully at all times - to make this year phenomenal! And so it will be!!!

Well ... let's analyze, shall we?

The Divination Cards... not a clue STILL ... I know it would be fabulous to have a set of my own... but, there is nothing springing forth on this idea/dream... so... I will continue to let this one find it's roots and surprise me with a bloom, should it decide to do so this year. Not gonna give up on it... but, no pressure to *force* something to happen.

That *position* to express my creative side fully ... HELLO I am so IN that position now. It's called Goddess*preneur. I am exploring what it means to be self-employed... start my own business ideas... and create a revenue stream to sustain me. WORK. IN. PROGRESS. Way to manifest that one, eh?

Hmmm... Well, "I am loved deeply and authentically for who I am" ... I should hope so... I mean, I love me deeply and authentically for who I am - most of the time... so I hope my friends and family do as well. You'd have to ask them, I guess. :)

"Phenomenal breakthroughs" ... UHM... YEA-YUH! 2008 brought about some remarkable work with a Life Coach, my own fortitude, and reason to want to heal... I am sure there is plenty of work to continue to do... I still have scars that I am not quite sure how to approach... but, awareness is key, right?!

"Regular Community Gatherings" ... that one has been a bit of a challenge... I've had some lovely get togethers ... but I can't say that it's been a "regular" type thing... so I think I may hold onto this intention and move it into 2009 as well. OH... hey, wait... I guess I did create a regular gathering... it just hit me... my 4o'Chocolate site that I am building out is based on a regular gathering that we had at work!!! I *did* accomplish this one!! HA! Fabulous! I'll still move it into 2009 as well.

Well... the "workshops" ... that has been a non-accomplished, put-on-the-backburner of 2008 ... the desire is still there to do this; but I think I will take baby steps with it in 2009... individual sessions and then into workshops.

Now for the challenging one... "I manage to create the most positive social connection with someone that I deeply admire and wish to share GAIA Community with" ... I can't imagine what I had in mind when I wrote this... BUT... fabulously enough... I have actually created a *few* positive social connections (not just one) with whom I have shared the Gaia Community -- even after being laid off from the company!!! I am certain I will continue to share this community with many friends... after all, I am still a part of it... it has been a vital tool in teaching me so much about myself and my passions.

The vow... I feel I have stuck to this vow throughout 2008 ..."loving myself fully all the time" may need some work still ... but, I have become much better at this! It has been incredibly easy for me to do this for others - seeing the divine beauty within my friends, family and new connections... it's easy to get so caught up in what's "out there" beyond me and forget to reflect a bit on my own personal traits that I share with the world. It's funny when it takes a message from a 15 year old girl who hasn't seen me in 6 years to remind me to do that!!!

So... within the next couple days I will be posting my 2009 Intentions... reflecting first, fully, upon what 2008 accomplished, needs work on and what I aspire to become!

Tags: reflection, 2008, year end, intentions, goals

DANCE! - go ELF yourself!

http://mscaprikell.gaia.com — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 07:19:56 GMT

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Tags: funny, self, elf, dance

It Wasn't Procrastination - Just Time to Heal a Bit

http://mscaprikell.gaia.com — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 00:16:49 GMT

So... I finally unpacked the crystals and sacred objects that I used to have at my desk when I worked at Gaiam... I love the space set-up that I found for them... it was actually pretty much ignored and unused... so having the energy of the crystals and the space call out to me to bring them together... was a good feeling!

I kept feeling as though I was procrastinating about unpacking that box... seeing it and feeling it needed to be unpacked to be "finished" with the pain of changes that occurred - or at least what I had perceived to be pain with the situation. But I have come to realize ... or accept/allow the space to be time to heal.

Now that I have my first client for bookkeeping practice, I feel that the energy is shifting in a very positive direction for me. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason... and that it all works out for what is truly best for my life path. And now I am "okay" with the stumbling blocks that I've tripped over in my path. It helps me to remember to pay attention... be more consciously aware!

I have also completed a book ... I have one more part to the project that will get it into Lulu for the first stage of publications... that's right ... I am going to be a published author... what an amazing feeling to sit with!!! It was a creative endeavor to begin with... and it was from suggestions of friends that pushed me towards getting it published.

Life is keeping me busy... keeping me full of vibrant energy... challenging me to act in faith... reminding me that *I AM* the Creator... I always have a choice.

Tags: lfie, crystals, procrastination, healing, allowing, book

An Upcoming Gathering: Psychic Fair in Louisville

http://mscaprikell.gaia.com — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 00:34:12 GMT

please go check it out; if you are here local... please do try to attend!!

Psychic Fair @ Dragonfly Coffee Tea & Spices

I had the extraordinary pleasure of meeting with the Event Coordinator and happily agreed to assist with this event in any way that I can. I am certain that I will have a booth of my own, although uncertain as to what I will be doing with my booth - either card readings OR essential oils for emotional wellness.

Blessings!
~K

Tags: psychic fair, healers, wellness, psychics, coffee, events, local gathering

A Question to Answer

http://mscaprikell.gaia.com — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 09:31:13 GMT

I stumbled across this question and it really resonated with me and thought it would be a fabulous question to pose to all of you... and I do hope many people participate with this and answer in the comments section (or in their own blog and then link back in the comments section here)...

What are the consequences of unconditional love?

Since I just *found* the question... I, too, am going to stew it over a bit more and come back later to update this blog entry... STAY TUNED... and, if you are inspired to share your answer... please do so!!!

UPDATE:

My response to the question.

For me, there can be positive consequences ... in latin the word is "eventus" ... so I see it like that... the "events" that arise from actions... unconditional love is a state of being... therefore, the actions that we take in this state have events that follow... like... laughter, acceptance, freedom, sympathy, empathy, honor, integrity...

What I did was take a look at circumstances that I have encountered in my life and changed the perspective to "what if I had approached that with unconditional love?" ... and in some circumstances I was able to see that I had, indeed, acted in a state of unconditional love... one example resounded in my memory and hit every note that I marked above... laughter (being able to see the subtle humor), acceptance (knowing what is happening is what's supposed to happen), freedom (unattachment to the outcome or sequence of events), sympathy (feeling for the other person[s] involved), empathy (connecting as one with all involved in the situation), honor (doing what was in the highest good for all involved), integrity (staying true to myself and my love for Self).... I won't go into great detail about the one situation that came up... but I am certain that we all have moments in our lives that we can look back upon and reflect as to how we did (or maybe didn't) respond from a heart of unconditional love.

And there is another "odd" feeling that arose for me when reflecting on unconditional love ... "Proud" ... I am honestly proud of myself for the spiritual growth that I have achieved in various phases of my life ... and that I can see examples from my own life that keep teaching me about unconditional love... remembering exactly how that experience felt and *knowing* the feeling is what resonates most harmoniously with me. I can honestly say that I love myself more when I am loving all others unconditionally. It is a reflection ... like standing between two mirrors and looking either direction.... infinity/abundance is what you see/feel. There is no end to unconditional love.

The consequences of unconditional love are limitless... in either direction. And whether or not you make the "right choice" in any given circumstance... unconditional love is still there with you.

Tags: question, reflection, unconditional love

Awake at this Hour

http://mscaprikell.gaia.com — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 09:37:20 GMT

It's nearly 2am - and yet again, I am wide awake. It's been like this for nearly a month now. Sleeping issues. I know I have the space in which to "deal with this" at this time. But I wonder what it all means ... I'm becoming more and more of a "person of the night" it seems. My clock no longer resonates with the "rest of the world" ... those who are plugged into a regular job.

I miss my co-working friends terribly. I still feel, at times, that I had been ripped out of their lives by the decisions of other people. How am I to believe that *I* manifest my dreams when I seem to also subconsciously manifest catalysts and situations that also do harm to me? How do I uncondition my mind/psyche to unlearn the torture I had been taught to believe?

I've been picking up my divination cards again lately ... this past week .... two different decks basically gave me the same card: FORGIVENESS ... one specifically asking me "Who do you need to forgive?" ... what does it mean to forgive, though? Do I go back through my entire life and recall those who have inflicted harm? I understand the process of forgiveness and its importance. That is my mind doing what it does best ... what is most challenging is for me to *feel* ... to bring it down into my heart again... with all that has been going on ... I've set up some nearly insurmountable walls.

This is a venting post... mostly writing because I am awake at this hour yet again and I've not blogged in quite a while... and feel a great need to get some thoughts down ... out of my head.

I've set some *wishes* out to the Universe. And I am working diligently on "letting go" and "allowing" the Universe to deliver... it is strengthening my fortitude and reestablishing my ability to Trust again.

I caught a mouse in my room just the other day... "tis the season" for them to find warmer quarters ... I've sealed off more areas now... but ... we are out on 10 acres of rural land... there are LOTS of mice out here.... and bunnies... and squirrels... and birds.... and no matter how well I seal off corners, closets, baseboards, and gaps in the walls that lead to darker spaces... there are still door gaps that allow these critters access to my space .... and so ... I am certain that I will continue to deal with them throughout the winter. It was a small mouse... I managed to stun it (bright light from my bedside flashlight) ... so it was trying to find its access point, and I think it was just blinded and unable to find its way back.... I quickly trapped it near a blanket that was on the floor... picked it up by the very end of its tail and promptly escorted it outside.... bleh! I understand the critters' needs... I do... and I wish they were carriers of disease and so prolific ... they are cute mice... I just can't see keeping each one as a pet... I'd have to set up a huge terrarium to do that. And the scratching sounds... gawd, that drives me NUTS ... so that's another reason I couldn't keep them.

Another week seems to have flown by ... where is my life going? I feel like I am free falling right now. There is no ground to stand on... faith is all I have and even that seems to be dissolving from my existence ... or so it just seems ... I feel out of control... and I know so many of my friends who would be quick to giggle at such a remark from me... but I am used to having at least one area of stability in my life... and that has been *work* ... a job to maintain my weekdays, to make me feel like I have some bit of purpose... now I am finding purpose again... new direction? new path? or the same path only more focused on just that path?

I don't feel like many of my previous contacts have really reached out to stay in touch, or followed through on silly little things like getting together for drinks... my minds starts to question the authenticity of the friendships. And that causes me pains... I am scared to reach my hand back out towards these previous friends ... for fear of "intruding" or "interrupting" their lives... since they've not contacted me. Rejection is a deep wound opener for me. Do I want to see the Truth of these friendships? That they weren't as strong as I had romanticized them to be? I understand that people grow in different directions... I do get that fully... I've had that experience time and time again. I just thought... some connections that I had made were stronger... and maybe ... the romanticized versions were all I really had.

Here and there... that's where my mind is taking me... all over the place. When I center, and yes... with deep breathing and my essential oils (GAWD, I love Jasminum Officinale right now!!!) I do have calm moments. But, I also have moments where I feel like a dandelion seed in the wind... blown, scattered, uncertain of where I will land.

I am trying my best to understand the situations that I have Created in my life... I do believe that I have made choices that have led me in directions that then create challenges wherein I am supposed to learn or experience a deeper truth about my True Self.

I don't feel like I fit into this world anymore... the systems that are currently in place feel utterly foreign to me. I feel like an alien on a planet that doesn't see me, know me or understand me... how do I survive in this environment? and the more I *feel* this, I do know that I subconsciously create more of it. When did my mindset shift again? When did I stop believing in the job of my dreams? When did I start believing that people around me didn't care for anyone but themselves? When did this feeling of abandonment rear its ugly head again? Where am I? Why does it nearly take every ounce of my entire being to step foot outside my personal space at home to go do anything? (I understand that I have always had a mild issue with depression and social anxiety disorder - but I thought I had created situations to heal that part of me)

What am I doing wrong? Even when I stand firm in what I want; I feel like I am falling down. The Universe is conspiring with me? Why do I not see this yet?

I hurt... I can't sleep... and, depending on what hour you catch me during the day... you would probably never know any of this is inside of me... and why do I write this all out for the world to see? What does it matter that the world reads these words? A witness? Why would anyone want to observe this process?

I still smile. There is still hope inside this vessel. I am afraid that's all I've got to hang onto these days. Hope... that I reconnect with the flow of energy that empowers me to "live to my highest potential" ... Hope.

It is now past 2:30am ... enough venting for now.

Tags: thoughts, venting, processing, journaling, life, fears, hope

BEYOND EXCITED!

http://mscaprikell.gaia.com — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 01:45:13 GMT

Okay... so ... I've had this idea for a while... played with it a bit... fell in love even deeper with it ... and now... I have made an official announcement:

In the Beginning…

Just click the link above to read about a new adventure that has been in the works for the better part of a year already... idea --> fun work event --> business potential? --> manifesting into site idea --> ANNOUNCING IT TODAY!

I am excited, nervous, thrilled... and just about ethereally blissed out of my own higher being with this step. My own way to expand of something I love.

Yes, I am still going to work as an Essential Wellness Consultant ... don't hesitate to contact me for any questions you might have regarding essential oils or wellness! I am going to incorporate doing this into the mix!!!

Please do share your thoughts with me on this idea in the comments section here or on the wordpress site... I value each and every one of my friends who have believed in me through many ideas that I have cooking in this lovely brain of mine!!!

Blessings to all!
~K

UPDATE: 11/1/2008 - please read the update ... there will be LEVELS to subscribe, not just one!!

~ More News ~

Tags: business venture, new idea, creativity, chocolate, fun, membership, blessings, entrepreneur

A Song That Stirs Me

http://mscaprikell.gaia.com — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 18:45:04 GMT

Blame it on the Weatherman

Even when you "blame" ... things still happen ... unexpected, unplanned ... it's human to blame... but sometimes you've gotta get past it. But that doesn't mean that placing blame won't happen... even to the most enlightened of us.

When you stand in the rain.... it hides the tears that fall. I like the rain right now. But only snow is on our forecast these days... snow can't hide the tears.

I've been (still am) working on releasing emotions that I've held back to spare folks my "wrathful" feelings... I don't want to hurt anyone else... I'm just tired of hurting myself inside... deep inside by holding onto the pain.

So... my next few blogs may be "Released/Vented" posts... I ask that nobody hold onto the words or energy of them... for I've held onto them far too long. Holding onto anger/pain only makes one sick ... very very sick.

Tags: b*witched, blame it on the weatherman, music, reflection, pain, release, rain, life

Wellness Focus for Living

http://mscaprikell.gaia.com — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 03:30:22 GMT

Most of my friends know that I am a very relaxed distributor for Young Living Essential Oils and Wellness products... well, with the recent shifts and challenges... I have decided to make this "backburner" income opportunity more of a front burner now... so please do explore my little store to help support my endeavors... if you have any questions about any of the products I sell, don't hesitate to contact me right away... my primary focus is to share wellness with those I love in my life!

http://www.essentialwellnessconsultant.com -- yeah, I am working on building new sites for my business, too!

I've started educating myself on these wellness products more and ... as if I didn't love the oils enough already ... I've come to deeply appreciate the Ningxia Red supplement juice drink.

Here are 21 reasons drinking this juice (as little as an ounce a day) is extremely beneficial:

1) The Ningxia Wolfberry provides ample antioxidants to strengthen the immune system. Antioxidants permeate cell walls and attack free radicals before they damage the DNA of the cell nucleus.

2) Antioxidants of this berry fight atteriosclerosis and atherosclerosis -- aiding the circulatory system -- including the heart.

3) The Ningxia Wolfberry is powerful in helping the liver function properly. The liver is one of the most vital organs in the body -- it's our cleansing machine!

4) Helps the eyes -- cataracts, glaucoma, and visual acuity. This berry contains a complete array of antioxidant carotenoids including beta-carotene and zeaxanthin. In fact, the Ningxia Wolfberry has the highest source of carotenoids in all known foods. Beta-carotene is best known as a nutrient for the retina.

5) Cancer Help. The main constituent of the wolfberry is Lycium Barbarum Polysaccharide (LBP), and according to studies in China, LBP helps cancer patients rebuild their white blood cell count, enhancing phagocytes and the activity of natural killer cells hich bind to cancerous cells, as well as improivng major classes of T-cells. "...increase the antibody reaction to the T cell-antigen."

6) More Cancer Help. Acetone extract from the Ningxia Wolfberry inhibits gene mutation. Some scientists say the fruit is a good supplement to prevent liver cancer. Also, studies show objective regression of cancer in patients ith malignant melanoma, renal cell carcinoma, colorectal cancer, lung cancer and others. Results also indicated LBP may be used as an adjuuvant in the biotherapy of cancer.

7) Minerals and vitamins act as enzymes and co-facilitators in the digestion process.

8) Studies on seniors in China produced amazing results (many people live beyond 100 years of age in wolfberry growing areas). Increases in Super Oxide Dismutase (SOD) and hemoglobin were found in serum in all participants. In other words wolfberry "...may help slow the aging process."

9) Protects against the free radical attack on mitochondrial DNA -- our energy furnaces inside each cell. Antioxidants fight against mitochondrial destabilization.

10) Helps lower blood sugar -- and in many tests at least stabilizes blood sugar.

11) It is important that cell walls maintain their malleability for nutrients to cross this membrane. The free radical scavengers found in the Ningxia Wolfberry strengthen the cell wall and support efficient transport of flavonoid nutrients into the cell and waste products out of the cell.

12) Strengthens the brains neuro-transmitters against pervasive free radical activity, thus fighting against dementia and other forms of memory loss.

13) Promotes a sense of well being, and has had noticeable results in tests which reduce stress and anxiety. The tissues of the body (including the brain) are assisted in avoiding oxidative stress.

14) Has a B-Vitamin complex essential to the body. In addition these vitamins are vital for converting good to energy.

15) Cells need to communicate, especially those in the brain and nervous system. The synaptic responses are protected and fortified by the same polyphenols (flavinoids) that this berry uses to protect itself.

16) Provides powerful anti-fungal and anti-bacterial action because it contains solavetivone (an amino acid). Properties in the food fights viruses -- it's anti-viral.

17) Reduces pain caused by inflammation because the berry contains Beta-Sitosteral, a remarkable anti-inflammatory.

18) The Ningxia Wolfberry is high in protein (more than whole wheat), an essential cellular building block.

19) The Ningxia Wolfberry, unlike most berries, contains natural vitamin E -- a retorative antioxidant with too many health benefits to list here!

20) A healthier romantic life. The wolfberry increases overall health performance, including sexual responses. One herbalist wrote, "Wolfberry can make a young wolf out of an old man."

21) This berry, dubbed "A complete body health motivator" has many unique polysaccharides, not found in any other plant on the planet.

....

I sat through a lecture that fully educated me on the extraordinary nutritional components of this daily supplement - and I have to say, I am impressed by the quality standards to which it is held, to which ALL of the ingredients are held, and the integrity of the people who created this product!

I have many more documents, charts, and access to medical reports that have been done to study the components of this juice... if you are curious to read more about it - hit me up. Me... I am incredibly happy to supplement my diet with this pleasant tasting juice every morning... one or two ounces (depending on how I am feeling) and off I go!

I have come to believe that one of my main goals in life is to share ways of creating a dynamic life through wellness with those I encounter in life... most people I meet I end up sharing a strong bond with... so I always want to share ways to make certain ailments subside, so that they can focus on that "highest potential" ... and I can do that with the high-vibrational energy of the products that I, myself, use for my own life! Not only do I want to share these products, but I also want to educate and help with consulting with people on *how* to better utilize what nature gives to us - essential oils, whole foods and powerful supplements. I've discovered that this is a passion that I've had since I signed up as a distributor in 2002 ... and I am just now being reminded that I can share my love of energy work, breath work, and healing through and with these very products!

I want to serve you through a medium that I am passionate about... it's how I can love you in my dynamic and unique way ... allow me to do this for you!

With Love!
~K

Tags: nutrition, wellness, health, energy, passion, right living, service, life purpose

I AM a Coffee Bean!!!

http://mscaprikell.gaia.com — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 19:37:47 GMT

I've never loved coffee as much as I do now, after reading this lovely anaolgy story:

      This one will take a minute or two to read, but please make the
       time. It will bless your heart and make you think. You will
       never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

       A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and
       how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was
       going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of
       fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a
       new one arose.

       Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with
       water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to
       boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed
       eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let
       them sit and boil; without saying a word.

       In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners.   She fished
       the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs
       out and placed them in a bowl.   Then she ladled the coffee out
       and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked,
       'Tell me what you see.'

       'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.

       Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the
       carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother
       then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After
       pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

       Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The
       daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then
       asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'

       Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the
       same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently.   The
       carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after
       being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became
       weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had
       protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the
       boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee
       beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling
       water, they had changed the water.

       'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks
       on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a
       coffee bean?

       Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong,
       but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose
       my strength?

       Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes
       with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a breakup,
       a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened
       and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I
       bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

       Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot
       water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the
       water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you
       are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get
       better and change the situation around you. When the hour is
       the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate
       yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are
       you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Tags: carrot, egg, coffee bean, life, challenges, choice, empowerment

Life Shares a Lesson in Impermanence

http://mscaprikell.gaia.com — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 21:14:57 GMT

This is so challenging for me to write this out.

I just received a phone call from my older sister telling me about my (ex)brother-in-law passing away yesterday. He was only 40 years old ... but his lifestyle choices shortened his life.

This hurts deeply because Charles was someone that I knew back in highschool ... he and my sister met, dated and married then... he was a very large part of my life during that time. I spent a great deal of time living with them during different periods ... and he was always warm and welcoming to have a space for family. "Family takes care of it's own" seemed to be a strong/powerful thread in the energetic make-up of his family.

He had the most awesome sense of humor... he was very intelligent... and was very athletic in high-school ... such a promising life. He joined the Air Force and became a weather-observer, meteorologist... which I had the pleasure of going to observe him doing at the air force base... I saw the integrity of his work in practice. He was extremely dedicated.

He was also a very fun, party-driven kind of person... celebration of life.

I'm not sure where the shifts occurred ... where he and my sister grew apart, where the energy shifted in his life and his hurt became a wound he repressed.

I just saw him in June of this year... at his daughter's (my niece's) high school graduation. It's just so hard to know that just months ago he was here with us... physically present. He looked well-enough at that time... it's amazing what goes on *inside* the body when we don't deal with Life lessons... what we let "eat away" at us... what we kill with chemicals and what-not.

This is a powerful lesson for me - yet again - that this physical world is Impermanent. What it means and what decisions/choices we make that make it manifest so much more quickly.

My heart goes out to his children: James, Charity & Luke... and to his current wife, Ruth. All my loving energy is focused on their family right now, because like I noted earlier... this is an incredibly CLOSE family. They take you in... they care for you... I can relate to all of them at this time and reflect upon my own experiences with him.

Please send a prayer out to the North family at this time... though you may not know them... I am certain you'd all love them as much as I do. They are good people. And this loss has got to be devistating for them.

My own prayer: Love hold these people in your arms; comfort them, be with them so they can process this life change; empower them to live their lives to the fullest in honor of and in rememberance of the dear loved one that has moved onto the next realm from them. Blessed Be.

Tags: death, life, passing on, prayers, love, support, reflection, memories, past

Annie Lennox?

http://mscaprikell.gaia.com — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 20:38:09 GMT

Over the past year, and then much more frequently since I colored my hair pink... people have been noting to me that I resemble Annie Lennox ... or have "that look" ... so I went meandering today to remind myself of what she looks like... and after looking through quite a few photos... Yeah... I kinda do ... and actually, am now inspired to try a couple of other short styles out from some of the images I came across.

Here's one that I found that has about the same length on bangs that I have right now...

so, just imagine that with a soft shade of pink... and sure enough... we could be related!! LOL

I love finding similarities between myself and others... people have also said that I kinda look like Toni Colette:

I'm struggling to see that similarity a bit though...

So...

I am curious if any of you have had that kind of comparison before... do you think you look like a celebrity, or any of your friends say you look like someone? Do share!!!

Tags: look-a-like, similarity, celebrity, comparison, image

Astrological Analysis Reading from Tom

http://mscaprikell.gaia.com — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 06:35:39 GMT

I just had the most fabulous astrological analysis reading (somewhat topic specific) from one of our fellow members, Tom Sidebottom, of CosmicTiming.com (yes, go check it out, you can get your personal transits to review daily! highly recommend this!).

SO... the focus, of course, was about my current situation with my career ... the cool thing was that in order to understand my current situation, he brought up analysis of years past to show patterns and how I reacted at those times - what was my response to the pattern of the energy. So by seeing what I had done in previous life circumstances, it was easier grasp where I am now... it was like a sigh of relief, sorta. You know, like... *this* had to happen when this transit occurred and when you responded like this, *that* happened.

One of the things that fascinated me was an analysis of a pattern that would have occurred when I was VERY young; so he asked me what "goals" did I focus on at that time... of course, being around 7 years old, I remember elementary school having "career days" ... the age old question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" ... at that time, I wanted to be a Herpetologist - more specifically, snakes. So at that age when the same pattern was going on in the planetary transits... I wanted to faces my most terrifying fear... snakes, to LEARN about them, or conquer the fear through knowledge. How incredibly appropriate is that for me NOW with these transits appearing again in my life??? I now have the space and ability to *actually* face my fears and act... rather than intellectualize about them (I read a LOT of books about snakes back then).

I am in a period of "cleaning out old, unnecessary" energies... preparing to take a giant leap forward. The thing is ... and I loved this ... I don't have to give up my desire to find stability WHILE pursuing my deepest passions towards working for myself, too. I can satisfy my Capricorn energies to have a stable job; while nurturing my entrepreneurial desires to be creative, empowering others, and work for myself.

I am also in a period of realizing my own personal, spiritual development through a form of revolutionary thinking/acting. Actualizing what I have been thinking for this growing period... manifesting... making it REAL! Just thinking about the potential makes me get all tingly and excited!

And I guess the "challenge" that was presented was the transit that involves Neptune and Venus... you know, Neptune ... the planet that deals with spiritual reality, transcendence, lack of interest in the physical... now tie that with Venus, the planet of passions, desires, relating with others ... I've done this before... I've seen the divine in others, to the point that may not see the person for where they *are* at this time. It's also kinda like "over-romanticizing" someone's characteristics ... and then getting disappointed when they don't live up to those projected characteristics. So my challenge is to be aware and responsible for what I project onto others in my life... in the area of my passions... (uhm, hello... huge ideals were set towards my previous employer, and yes... I was disappointed when they didn't live up to those characteristics that I had swimming in my head about this "spiritual company" ... lesson learned on that one... it's not just people, but many things that can become projected upon).

So, what I've walked away with (and this is the summarized version) is that I can start building my own business opportunity WHILE working for another company. And then I can take off on this "New Charge Forward" as I see it to be... pursuing my dreams, helping others, practicing spiritual counceling/healing - dynamics that I understand and can give to others - and having fun while doing all this.

I deeply appreciate the time and efforts that Tom took to sit with me on the phone and go over what he had found to help me see where I currently AM... and some potential actions for moving forward. He is brilliant and I can not recommend highly enough that you all make an effort to go check out his website ... and if you feel so inclined, have him do a personal analysis for you as well - you will be thankful you did! It was like talking with a best friend about my life, honestly! His passion for what he does comes across in such a beautiful way, that it doesn't sound like a scientist talking at you ... but a great friend who has seen you move through life and now has some helpful advice.

You can message Tom directly here on Gaia... but do take the time to go check out his website: http://www.cosmictiming.com and sign up for the analysis that you can check on daily!

Tags: astrology, life, analysis, Tom Sidebottom, gaia members, serving others, personal development, spiritual development

Quiz to Break the Silence - Margarita?

http://mscaprikell.gaia.com — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 05:29:56 GMT

You Are a Strawberry Margarita

You're so sweet it's a little overwhelming, and people are a little afraid of corrupting you...
It's a little difficult to imagine you with a margarita. And you're truly a different person after you've kicked back a couple!

What Flavor Margarita Are You?

Tags: quiz, fun, margarita, strawberry

It's Not Goodbye, Really.

http://mscaprikell.gaia.com — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 00:30:10 GMT

So... I guess you could say I had yet another change of my life this morning. Without warning and quite unbelievably ... I was laid off from Gaiam.

I still feel stunned, numb and horrified by this news.

Here I had moved half way across the country at the strong desire of the corporate folks at Gaiam to have the "corporate team" of Zaadz move to Boulder to bring this strong presence of our "energy" into their corporate offices.

That was then ... then was only 11 months ago ... not even a year and already "things have changed" ... I committed to TWO years of being with this company to move here; the couldn't guarantee me one year of employement. It's sad ... I'm angry ... as an accountant, I also understand... but I don't have to like this.

I wanted more than anything to be employed within the community - to continue to help developing it both online and especially even more so, offline - events, gatherings, work projects, etc. Getting the Gaia brand identity into this local community as a word of integrity, authenticity and a brand known for getting involved to be the change through it's local communities.

Now, some might say ... "hey, you can still do that as an ambassador" ... true ... but first and foremost, I now have to secure employment to insure that I can live here still. This means a ton of focus on ME ... me taking care of my own needs and letting the community go to the back-burner for a while ... and that, quite frankly, breaks my heart even more. I had dreams for this... strong, passionate dreams. I guess they wait.

I've recieved so many loving and positive wishes from co-workers and friends in this community ... and it warms my heart and brings rivers of tears to my soul and eyes thinking of being separate from this team as an employee now. I already miss so many of my co-workers ... they are like family to me... I loved getting to see them everyday. And for the remote co-workers ... as challenging as that was, I still felt like they were there with me everyday ... via emails, iChat, or what-have-you. Now it's all so very surreal ... like I am being forced to let go of this dream and float in this unknown ... free falling it seems.

I'm kinda venting at this point and just letting stuff flow out of my head ... the hurt is big today. Even so... I do know that everything happens for a reason and this too is part of the bigger picture to help me grow into something that is so totally perfect for me ... it's part of the path.

I'll write more later as I process ... I kinda wish I had the dignity and grace that Jake had when he wrote his letter ... or that Rommel had in his email ... but I just had so few thoughts that were able to be strung together... stunned is all I could manage this morning.

Change happens ... this I know for certain. I have learned that Trust is invaluable and it has got to be the most challenging thing for me at this point ... because I trusted this company and the people who helped transition us over into the previous change. I regret nothing. But right now I can not say that I am happy with the decisions that have been made.

change ... happens. some were lucky?

amazing the distortion of perception that happens through tears... I can't even see what's in front of me.... somewhat forced to trust what my future has in store for me.

Time to be a Creator again ... and again.

and ... again.

Tags: change, lay off, pain, unknown, Creator, opportunity, fears, emotions, life