Ugh.... sometimes Life throws challenges at you when you least expect it.  Work has been pretty busy as of late with LOTS of numbers and reconciling transactions to match....blah, blah.... work.

So... my sigh of relief some days has been knowing that i will be going home to a sacred space... well, yesterday was an odd day... busy from work, tired, happy to be getting to relax (as well as do my first RUN in a running program - that's another post some day) ... and I drive up the long drive way to find another of the roommates had parked in what I thought was my parking space in the garage.  So I roll down my window while driving up to ask, "Have things changed with the garage?" ... to which the roommate who acquired the space responded, "No, the garage is still the same." ... okay, SAB, let me rephrase it then, "Have the parking arrangements changed with the garage space?" .... to which the roommate responded with, "Why? Is there a problem?!" ... Somewhat stunned I replied with, "I'm sorry, what?" ... to which I got nearly the same statement in return, "IS THERE a PROBLEM?!" ... Still stunned I replied with, "I guess not."

WTF?!?!  I have NEVER treated this roommate poorly to where I warranted to be treated like this.  I mean, yeah, I've written posts about "smarta$$es" .... but this was more than that.... it was down-right passive-aggressive bullying.  And I don't play those kind of games with people.  I was SO flipping pissed that I went upstairs and practically ripped into my other roommate.  His kindness was a breath of fresh air, so to speak.  I was sobbing like a child getting home from school from an experience with being picked on.

Of course, my ego wanted to know,"Why me?" .... funny to observe the ego ... the Observer also noted that this person who was "bullying" has been going through a lot of personal processing herself ... so I have a level of compassion for this person... which makes it difficult sometimes ... because what I (my ego) really wanted to do was be a B$tch right back at her. But, the Higher Self intervened and "we" took the road less traveled.  Grrr.  So last night and today I've been sitting with this anger inside me, the pain of feeling abused by this person, and the shame of having not stood up for myself in a spiritually-accurate way to respond.

Today ... I was evil ... I had very angry thoughts, I had very angry visions, and I hated "people" ... everyone ... no-one ... myself ... just shaking my fist at this whole flipped-up game that we play when we interact with others. 

So now I am trying to analyze it ... yeah, I know, I should just let it be, experience the feelings so that I process them ... but .... I am human, and I will let my mind have its hayday with this. 

So, here's where the mind is at with this:  Is there some way that I am being passive-aggressive with others in my life and this is the Universe's way of pointing out this pain to me through an external life lesson?  Was there some other way that I was supposed to respond to "stick up" for myself?  Am I just going nuts? 

THIS is one of the many reasons why I *LOVE* living alone... roommate situations are such a pain in the neck sometimes.  And now I have this bizarre fear of my roommate because of this incident.  I no longer feel safe around her.  She reminds me of people who have done me great harm in my past by the actions she has taken towards me.  I don't like not feeling safe.... especially at home.

I am still angry.

But I am sure that "this too shall pass."

Thanks to iam bennu ... for sharing on his blog about this!  I found the video on Youtube and decided to post it here, too!



CREATIVITY is genius!  Trained?  Who knows... but you can tell there is a happiness in the doing of this artistic act ... or at least that's what I feel ... big ups, too, for ExoticWorldGifts.com for their support and efforts to share this amazing blessing with us!

Yeah, I took another quizz ... and I love LOVE LOVE Jim Benton's Happy Bunnies.... hilarious!

Happy Bunny! You're rude, crude, sassy, and cute as a button! You are not too good, Not too bad, but puuuuure Happy Bunny! Remember, you can't have your cake and eat it too....But you can have your cake and eat someone else's cake too, and that's kind of better anyway.

Well, it's been a while since I received my package from The Perfect Pause; and I have enjoyed one tea so far ... and wanted to get a review written up for it from my own personal experience.  (thank you, to Eric, by the way for these creative blends!!!  Go say "hi" if you haven't met him yet.)

Icewine White Tea Although we’re not usually fans of flavored white teas, this tea stands out as the best and most uniquely flavored we’ve ever tasted. This tea is often described as jammy, with sweet and subtle notes of the natural icewine flavor that must be tasted to be believed. Considering that a bottle of icewine (the major flavoring component) can cost in the range of one hundred dollars, this is a great value.  [read more]

{{the above caption is straight from their website -- click through to learn more!}}


REVIEW:  This tea is a lovely, smooth and delicate tea that is the perfect ending to a perfect (or maybe not so perfect) day.  With or without agave nectar (for sweetness preference) this tea has a very soft and pleasing palate which is lovely for sipping while reading a book, having dessert, or just sitting by the fire place enjoying jazz or classical music.  I feel it has a versitile use and could even potentially work as an ice-tea ... gonna try that later to verify when the weather is suited for ice-tea.  The unique flavor that is created by the wine is a great conversation starter and could even make this a showcase tea for gatherings with friends/family.

I give the ICEWINE WHITE TEA a whole-hearted:
 
Highly recommended!


{{stay tuned as I try more teas from this company and offer more reviews here on Gaia - it's gonna be a fun chore!}}

upcoming flavors:

Monk’s Blend
Tibetan Lavender White
Blue Mango
Sencha Kyoto Cherry Rose
Matcha
Gyokuro

I've really been enjoying the Resonance Engine.  It's been a great tool for finding those within whom I would probably have a fabulous conversation ... or things to learn from them ... but as of late, I've been perplexed into a lovely state of curiosity when the Resonance has brought up people that I can't necessarily see *why* Gaia Senses Resonance.  :) 

Not to say that I don't appreciate some of these connections, already... it's just that I never thought (based on the intentions I set up on the feature) that there would be certain resonances brought to me... so ... now the fun of exploring the unknown...

Quite a few of my friends that I work with have already popped up on the Resonance ... and those were obvious, I *know* why there's resonance with them... I've known them for quite a while, the conversations have always been rich and empowering, the connection is one of authentic friendship... truly reflected and confirmed by the Resonance Engine.

It's a fun tool, and now with the expanding features within the Resonance Engine, I am now able to have CONTENT brought to me based on intentions that I have set... similiar to the members resonance.  It's like having a personal shopper in the Gaia realm who brings me gifts of blogs, books, etc .... based on what I've asked for.... the exploring time is seriously cut back so that I actually have more specifically "enriched" reading time ... not to say that I don't still explore new members and the Community Picks, too... but these are like gems that sit so well with me. 

I'm very happy to have been able to utilize this Resonance Feature... it's amazing!  And I know this part is going to sound like a sales pitch, but it's not ... I truly mean this from the depths of my heart .... if you haven't upgraded to Gaia+ ... the Resonance Engine alone is reason enough to do so!!

EQ = Empathizing Quotient ... SQ  = Systemizing Quotient

So ... I guess this means I categorize things, eh?  Hmmmm...

I found this from a tweet from Gwen.

Yup, I got it... that bug that everyone's been dealing with... here I was so proud of myself for keeping up on my chiropractic adjustments, vitamins (okay, Airborne), and eating pretty well ... thinking this would keep my immune system quite strong and impenetrable.  Yes, my immune system is pretty strong ... but, the virus was stronger and all over the place! :)  So, Saturday evening I started noticing a marked difference in my attitude and energy... could it be... Yup.  I got the bug.

Sunday is/was a blur ... that's when the fever and chills kept taking turns with my body and sent my ever active mind into a whirlwind of delirium.  OH the thoughts that come into the mind of a high-fevered-MsK ... I remember something vaguely about "monkey marketing" and that it was going to be THE way that I hit it rich...  not sure how, as that part seems to have escaped my memory... but I am sure some day I will come across it again when the time is right and presto - my millions are in the banks! {giggles}

Monday was a bit of a repeat -- for most of the day.  I had a care-package delivered by a very dear friend who didn't have to ... but I am grateful -- ever so grateful -- that I have this friend! :)  (nope, not naming names on this one -- sometimes ya just gotta have that special inside thank-you)  So, I had orange juices and RICOLA!  The magic that calms the hacking cough... although, I gotta say ... consistent coughs are a FABulous workout for the abdominals... I am trying to work on remembering the muscle movement without having to hurt my throat to get the same effects ... ah, observing the body....

And that, along with observing the mind during this time, is a wonderful opportunity ... listening, feeling the aliveness of what aches -- *knowing* areas of my body that rarely get attention ... aching ALL OVER... reminds me of the intricate neural network that is laced throughout this lovely mechanism.  That my body communicates what it needs in the form of symbols ... it's most poignant symbol being, pain.  I love listening to my body more deeply now.

Tuesday... well, that brief moment of goodness on Monday when I thought I was going to be all better "tomorrow" ... didn't happen.  Yet again, the night was laced with wicked thoughts and annoying patterns that I couldn't figure out.  I am a problem-solver, I know how to find the pattern and control it... not so in this dream state of delirium, part duex.  Tossing and turning the entire night into the early morning... I knew I would not be able to make it into work...   Amazing, isn't it ... how programmed and conditioned we are, that while being sick, my thoughts still register with "am I well enough to go into work" ... not just, "am I well" ... but a superlative of "enough to" and then branded with my unconscious life-drive of "to go into work" ... am I back at it again?  Living to work?  When in fact, I should be working to Live.  My focus is getting all jarbled and my semi-conscious mind is trying to make sense of what I am discovering... ah well, send email to supervisor and disappear back into bed.  Sleep again, sorta.

Intermittenly, I'd been able to look at my cell phone to catch glimpses of messages to which my non-linear mind wanted to respond to -- somewhat non-sequitorial (yes, I am making that an official new word if it isn't one already). 

Wednesday rolls around ... GAWD... my first night of solid sleep, thanks in large part to finally caving into the realm of .... Tylenol Cough & Sore Throat syrup.  I rarely, rarely, RARELY use this stuff... but Tuesday night I managed to get to the Safeway store just down the road and pick up some supplies; more juices and the syrup.  I hate the taste of it.  Chances are very likely that I will NOT use the rest of this stuff before it expires.  But, for some odd reason, I will keep it in my bathroom cabinet until I do another cleaning spree and see that it has indeed, expired.  Wednesday felt much better... but still not well enough to warrant dragging my tired body into work to try to force it to do anything intellectual.  I slept and slept and slept... and drank lotsa water in between the slepts.  OH... and then I did make it to my chiropractic appointment -- which is a very good thing to do when you are down like this; the adjustment gets the white blood cells jammin' on the bad guys in your system... I can't say it often enough.... Chiropractic adjustments aren't just about achey backs... it's SPINAL WELLNESS... ya know, the universal energetic highway that feeds that neural network... ya that spine thing.... it helps to keep it healthfully maintained.  Check into it.

THURSDAY - I awake with that *knowing* feeling that, although I don't feel 100%, I do feel well enough to drag my not-as-tired-as-the-other-days body into work and feel productive again.  And, yes, I was able to do this today... even with the still tired body and stuffy head, funny sounding voice, I was able to get some work covered and items taken-care-of.   People may have been a bit stand-offish of me today, I don't blame them, but a few stopped to show their concerns and wish me continued recovery towards wellness.

Who knows what joyfulness tomorrow will bring... as wellness is clearly making a strong comeback!  :)

Thanks again to all of you who sent well-wishes... I feel quite blessed.

How do you stand up to someone who doesn't know they are a bully? 

I'd like to say that I've gotten better at standing up for myself -- or at least I try to.  Passive-Aggressive bullies, or people who are brilliant at manipulative conversations... no, I haven't mastered standing up for myself against them, yet. 

To me, dealing with people like that is like dealing with snakes ... they are so quick with their attacks that sometimes you don't know you've been bitten until you walk away feeling woozy... but I do know that Karma catches up with the likes of those ... I feel more sorry for them because of the lack of control and power in their own lives they must feel to be projecting that same feeling onto others.

So, yes... and no... I guess it depends greatly upon the manipulative prowess of the bully ... and where I stand emotionally at the moment of the encounter.

Additionally, I'd become so used to being abused that it's a natural conditioning ... I don't know what life would be like without it.  So, I think I may even inadvertently draw situations into my life that perpetuate the potential for being bullied or abused emotionally.

Ah, the challenges of freeing ourselves from these conditioned traits ... Life is Grand that way.

Check out two more of his videos:

Reginald Cat Rescue

An Engineer's Guide to Cats - Petition YouTube!  (this one is great - let's help him get featured!)

I get the Ideal Bite newsletter... always full of useful, fun information... today's tip goes along with the theme this week, Earth Day - Earth Week....  check it out:




Where are you finding GREEN in your environment, local community, and home??? Share it this week (and keep sharing all year, too!!)

I met a wonderful young girl this weekend on Gaia, aiko melanie ... she is so sweet and full of energy!  She has created a group (pod) here at Gaia called:

Any thing Random

It's basically what it sounds like... if you just feel a conversation topic has come up for you... take it to this group and post it... see what wonderful comments and other conversations can grow from it!!  Most groups have a "watercooler" board in them ... this IS a watercooler group, if you think about it.  So... enjoy the random and interesting conversations that will come up!

I think it's a cute idea and think that a 13-year-old getting this involved in making a group and engaging the community to chat about anything and everything ... is very clever!!

So, do go check out her group and join if you feel inspired to share.... ANYTHING! :)

THIS IS A NEW ONE!!!

   Welcome to the 2008 edition of getting to know your Friends. What you are supposed to do is copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste it onto a new e-mail that you'll send. Change all the answers so they apply to you, and then send this to your friends including the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little things about your friends, that you might not have known!  (for those of us who are blogging it - take out the words "email/send" and insert "blog/post")
 
   1. What time did you get up this morning?  6:55am (I know, it's an odd time that I choose to set my alarm!)

   2. Diamonds or pearls?  Diamonds!

   3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? 300 (yeah, it's been a LONG time since I've gone to the theater)

   4. What is your favorite TV show? CSI 

   5. What do you usually have for breakfast?  Venti NoWhip White Mocha (and then oatmeal when I get to the office)

   6. What is your middle name?  May

   7. What food do you dislike?  Liver

   8. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Imogen Heap

   9. What kind of car do you drive?  Volkswagen Jetta

   10. Favorite sandwich?  Turkey Bacon Guacamole

   11. What characteristic do you despise?  Apathy

   12. Favorite item of clothing?  Jeans

   13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?  Pune, India

   14. What color is your bathroom?   White/Blue/Green

   15. Favorite brand of clothing?  Calvin Klein 

   16. Where would you retire to?  small city where ya know everyone

   17. What was your most memorable birthday? 30th (got my engagement ring that same day!)

   18. Favorite sport to watch?  Cheerleading

   19. Farthest place you are sending this?  Blogging this so - who knows how far it will go!?!

   20. Who do you least expect to send this back? (again, blogging it, so this doesn't really apply - whoever wants to play can)

   21. Person you expect to send it back first? (not sure who will be first to respond to the blog)

   22. Favorite saying?   "Dude" (favorite? maybe just more habitual saying)

   23. When is your birthday?  Jan 11th

   24. Are you a morning person or a night person? Night Owl!

   25. Who is your favorite person on TV? don't watch it much anymore ... gonna go with Ellen.

   26. Pets?  none of my own yet

   27. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?  I'm experiencing wonderful new opportunities to expand my business experiences. 

   28. What did you want to be when you were little?  Scientist

   29. What are you now? Accountant

   30. What is your favorite candy?  DARK chocolate!

   31. What is your favorite flower?  Roses

   32. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?  Saturday

   33. What church do you attend? None

   34. What is your full name? Kelly May Cookson

   35. What are you listening to right now?  Office chatter

   36. What was the last thing you ate? EarthDay lunch provided by Gaiam... I had: sandwich, mac salad, hummus, cookie & orange juice.

   37. Do you wish on stars? Absolutely!!!

   38. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?  Deep Purple or Royal Blue

   39. How is the weather right now?   Sunny and 57

   40. Last person you spoke to on the phone?   Mary Rives - but I missed her visit to Boulder :(

   41. Do you like the person who sent this to you?  Like her? -- I love her like family!!!

   42. Favorite soft drink?  Dr. Pepper

   43. Favorite Restaurant?  Real Food Daily -- I miss it!

   44. Hair color?  for now ... blonde - it changes often!

   46. Favorite day of the year?  my birthday!!!

   47. What was your favorite toy as a child?  Legos

   48. Summer or winter?  Summer!!

   49. Hugs or Kisses?   Kisses while embraced in a nice hug -- so I guess my answer would be "both"... {giggles}

   50. Chocolate or Vanilla?  Vanilla (if we're talking ice-cream)

   51. Do you want your friends to email you back? well, since this is being blogged... it would be nice to get links in the comments.

   52. When was the last time you cried? a couple weeks ago. :'(

   53. What is under your bed?  a very clean carpet... too low to put anything under the bed.

   54. How did you feel about Heath Ledger's death?  devastated - I *loved* his acting skills.

   55. What did you do last night? dropped off my iBook to get "changed" and then tried to meet up with a friend... then home. blah.

   56. Favorite smell?  Jasmine/Honeysuckle/Magnolias

   57. What are you afraid of?  Spiders

   58. Plain, buttered, or salted Popcorn?   Buttered and lightly salted

   59. How many keys on your key ring?  technically two - the other one is decoration

   60. How many years at your current job?  Less than one.  (but over 12 in accounting work)

   61. Favorite day of the week? Saturday!!

   62. How many towns have you lived in?  uhm... lost count; somewhere towards 16 (quick count off the top of my head)

   63. Do you make friends easily? I like to think I do ... lasting friendships require time.

   64. How many people will you be sending this to?  "how many" ... my community which could be a LOT of people ... depending on how many read this particular blog entry.  Ya never know.

I can't believe I've been doing this online journaling thing for nearly 5 years now... I went back to my older site (yeah, I played with html and all that for a while)... found one of my first posts:

Archives from May 2003 (scroll to the bottom for my earliest post)

Reading over old journals is so weird ... and inspiring at the same time.  The thoughts that I had back then ... the growth that I gained from my experiences.  It's like looking at a different person... well, actually, truth is... it is a different person... relatively speaking!

Here are some excerpts from my early entries:

To me, spirituality is best discovered and understood as the individual. The moment someone else tells you how, or what to believe....or that there is only one way, it is not spiritual. Not saying that great teachers like Jesus, Buddha or Krishna are wrong. But rather, that one should listen to the words, feel the energy, and decide for themselves as to what is their own truth, their own reality, then life becomes truly spiritual. Every moment is a choice of "being" when aware. Everything that happens is a choice of bringing events to yourself to learn, to better know the Self.

+++++++++++

After a brief discussion with a friend about a funny statement; "I was pondering the immortal words of Socrates, 'I drank what?' ".... it really set me to thinking... (go figure, a topic of Socrates making one think...). Repression, censorship, judgement.... and then ultimately the death of anyone who does not conform. In Socrates' situation it meant death in the physical sense of the word... he drank the hemlock, and died. This, because he spoke his mind... which to those in power at that time was an act of impiety.... they judged that his words were irreverant toward a Supreme Being.... they judged, and then when repression and censorship wouldn't work, they decided to kill this man.

This brought me to one simple thought.....

Humans are the only creatures that kill their own kind for intellectual reasons.

+++++++++++

hehehe - this was the entry when I "upgraded" -- May 17th, 2003:

I finally upgraded my computer some more.... I am now AirPort equipped!! That's right .... I can roam! I like the idea of being able to take my computer out and about with me. They have places that you can hook up via a wireless network in downtown San Luis Obispo. A couple of the Starbucks have that service... The Network on Higuera also has services available. That would be a great hangout spot. Coffee nearby... outside seating... fun!

+++++++++++

Ah, reflecting on past mind-meanderings ... I'm sure I've got a book hidden in that journal. :)

I know that 5 years to many bloggers is nothing... some have been doing it far longer than that ... but for me ... it was a shift from paper journals (which I rarely kept with me - or lost).  This is a bizarre feeling of growth, of accomplishment for some reason... I can see the different choice I took in dealing with circumstances that still puzzle me ... many lessons - many new catalysts to help refine the choices I've made.  Wild to observe the patterns.

Here's to another 5 years and another and another ... and... another...

I was minding my own business, eating lunch ... and this bright beauty pulled up in a parking space behind me.... such a sexy car!  (and in the most gorgeous shade of  zOrange)

I came across a blog entry by Molly that totally intrigued me ... only because I've finally let some of my co-workers know about an OCD tendency that I have about wrappers and chocolate bars.

Here was my response to her inquiry about what OCD traits people are willing to share about themselves:

Wow … what a fun conversation to explore … I’ve only recently been allowing others to *know* about my OCDs.

1) Candy/cereal bar wrappers - must be torn the exact same way and then carefully extended on the ends when opening … if I’m enjoying a chocolate bar and it is scored (marked in “pieces”) then it has to be broken on said scores otherwise it bothers me - like something has gone wrong in the universe.

2) Pumping fuel - once the auto-shutoff has completed I round up to a number that ends as divisible by 5cents. It’s like heaven if I actually hit a whole dollar with no change!!

3) Mirrors/Windows - when cleaning, start from upper left corner go horizontally first then finish with vertical wipes starting again from upper left corner.

I am sure there are several more “habits” that I do somewhat OCDingly … but those are the most obvious that I could think of off the top of my head.

++++++++++

The one thing that I forgot to metion was the cash thing... so here's #4:

When I have cash, I will not only sort it so that the bills are sorted in denominational order, facing the same direction ... but I also go so far as to sort by the number on the bill ... yes, on every one dollar bill there are more numbers 5, 6, 11, etc.  I will sort them sequentially by those numbers as well ... odd, I know ... but it's a bizarre habit that I picked up when noticing that the one dollar bill has an 11 on it ... my fascination with the 1/11 combos.

So... that's my story ... anyone else care to share any of their OCD habits that they recognize in their daily lives???

Do share!!

"No matter what happens, I love you unconditionally. Please remember that.  Now for the bad news - I am dying and I need your help if I am to live."

Earth helped me to begin
Earth holds me tight as it spins
Earth whispers to me on the wind
Earth shelters me through thick and thin


Earth is always saying something ... on the wind, through the songs of nature, in the rumble of an earthquake, in the dance of the rains, ... much is being said ...

But are we truly listening?  Don't listen with your physical ears .... listen with your ethereal beingness.  Earth never stops singing ... the music is always there.

My friend, Vin, was back in town ... so we met up last night to catch up on where each has been (he, of course, traveling has more interesting stories, imho) ... it was a great dinner at the HImalayas Restaurant in Boulder ... it was delicious ... we ended the meal with a fabulous cup of chai ... YUM!

Our conversation kept hitting on the topic of photography and getting him set up with an online storage spot for his travels and such ... so I recommended Flickr ... and then the conversation came up about one of his photos that he felt incredibly lucky to have captured ... it was one of his trips to Africa, in Chad... check it out:

I've never had the pleasure of capturing a lightning strike in any of my photography ... so this is something I am deeply in awe of .... AND ... his client at the time actually used this on a presentation or brochure of some sort ... how cool! 

This, of course, reminded me of Enya's song, Storms in Africa ... I am sure the dynamics of the storms there are breath-taking!

All in all, the evening was very fun ... this friendship is very different from most of my other friends ... there is an extraordinary challenge that I face on a personal level ... but I guess that's part of growth ... learning from each of the experiences we encounter with others.  I guess the challenge that I face is when I am attracted to certain friends and there is no reciprocal attraction... but a feeling of strong friendship.  It's a bit tough not to hurt from the rejection of one set of feelings ... while still honoring the other feelings of "just friends."

All friendships are extraordinary opportunities to learn more about where one is *at* with their own Self and how well they react/respond to social interactions with or without expectations.