I've been a bit slow in getting this posted to share with the community .... life has been keeping me pretty busy -- and I kept forgetting .... so .... here's the blog entry that my nephew, Luke, posted to announce the great news:

To Europe!

Update!!!: (2/29/08) Luke has been raising funds off-line of his widget -- so the funding need has gone from $4000 to $2500 -- that's a $1500 difference!!! (the widget seems to not be functioning properly either, so do have faith that your donations are registering with him and we will keep you updated!) Talk about making his dreams come true!!! He's been working diligently at sending out letters to local businesses and holding musical recitals taking donations at those... the young man has a goal and he is actively pursuing it... *I'm* deeply inspired by his driven determination and ambition!! I am so proud of you Luke!!!

He also has a ChipIn monitor/widget on his profile page for those of you who would be interested in sponsoring his efforts to fulfill his dreams and add yet another great training opportunity to his young and positively glowing resume!

I was blown away at the response to his last fundraising efforts that I shared here for his training in Oklahoma City ... the entire community stepped forward with such Love & Support that it literally brought tears to my eyes and made my heart feel like it was going to explode with Joy!

I do hope we can make a substantial mark towards this new goal of his ... as it is going to cost nearly $4000 to participate in this event... that includes his airfare and accommodations in Europe.

So ANY donation of sponsorship towards his ChipIn ... be it $5 to $100 would be greatly and deeply appreciated!  At the very least, words of encouragement from the community would be a positive gift for him to keep the faith on making this dream a reality!!!  Thank you, in advance, for your support!

I hope to get another video up of his extraordinary singing talent ... but that will take me a while as I am waiting to get the copy in the mail from them.

3/13/08: UPDATE:: Luke found out that the group putting the event to travel to Europe together did not have enough children signed up to make it possible for them to go. They needed 30 respondents and didn't even have 15 at this point. SO ... Luke, being the creative, ambitious, beautiful being that he is .... already has other irons in the fire for continuing his education and training in music through the summer ... so the donations can go towards that -- OR -- if you feel that your donation was to help support just the Europe trip, he is willing to reimburse anyone for their donation if they would prefer that. He is so incredibly responsible!! I love my nephew!!

Okay... well, it's been a crazy ride here and I have been gaining and loosing "friends" here on the community ... mostly through work related projects ... so I've set an intention to really clean my friends list so that it is more authentic and aligned with integrity.

So, IF by any chance I happen to disconnect a friendship with any of you and you don't understand why... please don't hesitate to email me back alerting me.  I am thinking most of these *cleanings* will be the scholarship respondants who are much less active and probably much less involved with me as a friend here in the community.

This doesn't mean that I won't be open to any member who happens to have questions regarding the site ... I will still be my normal Ambassador-Server-to-the-Community self that I have always been... I am happy to do that - be that - for every member who asks of me.

However, it is time for me to get out of the bizarro world of too many friends to be able to send out invitations to my pods ... or other features that get locked when trying to load all 6300+ friends that I have. 

I do wish there was an ability to categorize friend connections so that I don't have to get rid of any of them ... I like being available on a person's list should they need me ... but at the same time... I am bogged down and would like to bring my friendship list into a more realistic number of people that I truly consider to be FRIENDS.  I may not communicate on a regular basis with my friends ... but I do appreciate the authentic moments when we do get to connect and correspond now and then.  Each of my friendship connections that have been due to searches, or reciprocal interests, or non-work generated ... have been deep and spiritual gems that I feel are incredibly valuable in my life... so this cleaning is going to be a long process of re-evaluating why I connected and then what the current connection means.

So.... wish me luck ... and again.... if I disconnect from you and you don't understand why .... PLEASE email me as I am very open to communications .... I've even done it with those friends that I've noticed that disconnected from me ... I adore each of you in a very unique way... individually.

{getting brooms, gloves, and scrubbing gear}

The point of this question.

{giggles}

C'mon ... it was wide open to that ....

Ah, "What have you been missing" .... curious question.  If the focus is on "Lacking" as implied in the automatic tagging system that goes with this QaR ... well, NOTHING.... my life is lacking no-thing.  NO THING!  There are times that my ego is lacking patience, trust, or faith ... but that is not truly who I am ... the observer/awareness ... is complete ... therefore, I AM complete.  Just as I am right now.

I've had various conversations with various inspired beings (friends) ... somehow a familiar topic kept showing up "Where ever you go, there you are" ... I used to laugh at that phrase as a silly way to acknowledge the physical presence of *you* the body ... well, it hit home finally ... it makes so much sense... to the point that I feel like I could cry rivers about the dynamic truth.  I've moved a lot over my life ... not always by choice, but it has become a habit of sorts ... and I've become quite tired of it ... it wasn't until this latest move that I found the truth of "where ever you go, there you are" ...

No matter where I run to ... there is no getting away from the life lessons that I have agreed to learn.  I can avoid them by running to a different city, a different job, a different relationship ...but inevitably, the lessons come up in new circumstances in these new places ... regardless of where I go, I AM there to learn until I've truly learned the lesson...then I get to move on.

This video kind of says it so well for me ... and it is like a song from my very own soul to me:



Those are the most poignant lyrics in the song for me ... it's like the truth is revealed, unveiled, Light has burned through the fascade ... I see it now.

Being a part of the A New Earth classes is helping me out with this, too .... seeing where Ego plays its part until one is ready to see the truth of "Who Am I" and can learn to move in the present moment ... MOVING ... not running away from or avoidance moving ... but REAL moving.  These moments for me feel like I am taking the first REAL steps of my life.  The flex of the muscles are noticed, the weight, the structure of the movement ... feels intentional Now.  Moving with awareness is like breathing for the first time after having the "wind knocked out of you" ... you can feel the intensity of each and every cell vibrating with Life Force.  You are REAL in that moment... there is nothing other than the presence of Right Here and Right Now.

No matter where I go, there I AM.  There you are.  Here we are.  The past is merely a memory that occured and can only be observed in the Now.  The future is something we can plan in the Now and only happens in the Now.  So ... no matter where I go, I AM only ever NOW.

I can only ever MOVE in the Now.

Woot!!!  I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE this advertiser ... and one of the many reasons I love this community's integrity about who advertises here on the site!!


They have the most delicious roses ever!!!  They are hearty, and they have a couple of types that are phenomenally fragrant!!!  And they last a long time!!  (Yeah, I ordered roses when I lived in Venice -- LOVED IT!)

Seriously, I couldn't imagine sending flowers to friends / loved ones and NOT use this company ... it meets my desire to be more organic with as much of my life as possible.  I feel better about sending flowers from this company than any other company.  That feeling of alignment with integrity and impeccability ... nothing like it in the world!

If you haven't checked them out ..... GO NOW!!!  Yeah, it's Easter next .... but then .... Mother's Day is coming up ... schedule NOW!

Okay.... so this is me stepping back down from my Happy Soapbox Announcement.



(and NO this was not a paid advertisement -- I am authentically happy to see them here!)

This is gonna be one of those rambling posts where I just need to get what's going on in my head down in some kind of format.

I am processing a lot on a personal level... but then again, who isn't.  One of the main things in my head lately is how to perceive ... odd question or topic ... but I've been wondering about it.  When I am drawn to something/someone ... I feel there must be a reason... so I look deeply into the messages I receive.  I want to be present for it... and I try ever so carefully to stay in the NOW with my moments more and more.  So... what is it with perceived blocks?  I see something I like, I think I am supposed ot pursue, but find a very huge block to it ... so much so that I then question why I was drawn to it.  I respect certain blocks ... but then I wonder if this is an opportunity to push myself outside of a comfort zone. 

This is challenging ... because I want to disclose exactly what is going on ... and yet at the same time, I don't want to disclose everything just now... I've never really held back much when it comes to blogging (as MANY of you know by now from reading my past blogs! hehe!). 

What is it about being so utterly vulnerable?  I want so very badly to remove everything and be seen as authentically and naturally as I am ... and at the same time I want to be loved.  I fear that if everyone knew every single fault I had they would run away.  So there lies the paradox ... I want to reveal and yet my conditioning from my years of living this existence tells me that I can not be truly loved if I revealed exactly how I feel to the people in my life. 

I want to tell the people who've angered me that they have angered me and that I don't condone their actions ... but that I still love them.  Most people don't believe that.  So I hold back the anger and keep it inside.  Am I then only giving tainted love?

I want to share how deeply and intensely I love my friends ... but words fail me sometimes on this so I come across as rambling idiot ... or uncomfortably quiet around them.  So I hold back yet again.

I want to breathe and feel as though every moment and every molecule are there to help bring me up to my highest potential ... and I have a hard time breathing these days. (metaphorically and physically, too, due to the altitude change from CA to CO). 

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed lately.... and yet I am not overwhelmed by work, but overwhelmed with emotional experiences.  There are days that I wait to hear from friends; only to be disappointed.  There are days that I connect with friends - have great experiences and then find out a little bit more about certain things and feel confused.  I am trying so deeply to honor the chaos in my life and not try to control it or calm it down... everything happens for a reason.  Everything.

My heart is going in so many directions ... is this normal?  What is normal?  Do I want to be normal?  I think not.  So then it's back to "loving what is" and being okay with this confusion and chaos. 

But there are day that I miss being held and quieting my mind in the arms of someone who gets me ... even if they only get me for that single moment.  I miss the affections of being held.  Touch is such a dynamic thing.  And yet etherally certain people can touch me more deeply than others.  Why?  How?  And, again, there must be a reason for it. 

I give up... I surrender.  What purpose am I to serve in Life?  I'm tired of guessing.  I am tired of being confused.  And like today ... sometimes the hurt is just too much to bear.  I need to break just to ease this bizarre tension going on inside me.

I feel like I am choking on my own expression... my desire to be heard... my throat chakra is just clogged so unbelievabley right now.  A deep breath and it eases.  Tears flow.  My mind is just so busy.  Where is the off switch?  Why can I not turn off some of these feelings?

What is it that I am hiding from... not healing?  Pain is only an indicator of something deeper.  What am I not seeing?

I need a vacation.

[press pause]

Yesterday was a lovely day from the very start ... gentle awakening for a Monday.  Out the door at a decent time.  I make a nearly-regular stop every morning for one of my vices... coffee ... and while waiting in line (yes, I utilize the drive-thru) I was just kinda admiring the beauty of the incredible layers of snow that we had just received... in awe really.

So I finally pull forward to get my drink and the lady, Allison, hands me my drink and says, "The lady in the vehicle ahead of you paid for your drink."  I know I had a stunned look on my face because I still had my card extended out the window for her to take for my payment ... LOL.

And normally, I can "catch up" with the person as we exit the shopping center onto the main road again ... this time, not the case... I couldn't even offer a gesture of Gratitude towards this person for this lovely (and MUCH appreciated) gift!  Do you know what it's like to sit with Gratitude that is just bubbling to get out?!! :)

It wasn't until I was a few miles into my drive to work that it really started sinking in ... that deep feeling that someone, who doesn't know me at all, loved me without any conditions at all.  Tears welled up ... and trickled down my cheeks .... there is something unbelievably warming to every cell in my body about that whole experience.

I know to some a cup of coffee may seem like a small thing... no great reward by some measures ... but it's not really about the coffee.... really.  There are beautiful people in this world... and at times, you will encounter someone who does something for you -- just because.  No conditions.  Out of pure LOVE.

I know they exist.

Okay ... so a group of us took lunch together today (I won't name any names) and somehow we ended up (no pun intended) on the topic of Various Levels of A$$itude.  It is amazing how the word a$$ can be used to describe so many different (but similiar) personalities:

the straight forward "a$$" -- we all know at least one in our lives, the type of person who just *IS* the epitomy of the word... just rude and blunt.   Ya wish you could just give them a swift kick in the ....

the "dumba$$" -- the one who thinks they are being intelligent, funny, witty... but missing it by a mile!  All you can do is look at them and say, "Wha?" 

the "smarta$$" -- slightly more intellectual with their remarks, quick witted, and cunnningly sharp with insults.  Sometimes you don't realize you've been played until long after the play.

the "wisea$$" -- the one who has learned from their own experience and uses it as fuel against others in their games.  Clever... but not as sharp as the "smarta$$" at quips.

the "a$$wipe" -- close to the level of "dumba$$" in that they think they are clever, but in reality they usually come in and side-swipe the run that a good "smarta$$" or "wisea$$" already has going.  They are quite easily discarded!

the "a$$hole" -- well known character who acts soley to their own needs at the expense of any other person around them.  Perfectly rude and not afraid to admit it.  (oft this one is conjoined with a very sharply applied adverb that starts with *F*)

the "a$$cended masters"  -- those rare few who think they are so far above everyone else around them that they don't have to concern themselves with the "low lifes" ... they usually think their sh*t doesn't stink, too.

Do you know of any other a$$itude personalities that are out there?  I am sure we've all experienced (or been experienced as one or more of these) at some point in our lives.

I say we celebrate every aspect, jest, make fun .... and learn from our characters!!!

***please note that this is all in great humor and no finger pointing is going on (well, except towards maybe one "wisea$$" that I love so much!)  {{giggles}}

We are hosting a Conversation Cafe Event in Boulder for Converation week.

Conversation Café and
Gaia Gathering Boulder
Join Us in a Global Conversation celebrating Conversation Week 2008.  Get together and meet each other in person, share your passions for connection and community.

 
When:
Wednesday, March 26th
7:00 – 8:45 pm

Where:
Boulder Public Library
George Reynolds Branch
3595 Table Mesa Dr.

Our Question:
How do we shift from "Me" to "We" on both the local and global levels? (From “me” to “we”)
 
Where do you see a need to shift from “me” to “we”? What can a “we” approach give us that a “me” approach doesn't, and vice versa? What needs to change to have people used to “me” engaged in “we” solutions? In your family and community, where have you seen collaboration work wonders when competition and confrontation failed? How can 6.6 billion people work together?

We are hold space for fun, casual conversations and co-creating an opportunity for conscious networking.  If you are interested in attending please send Mark or Kelly (me) an email here at Gaia or to mark@gaia.com and kelly@gaia.com directly.

What is Conversation Week about?
Promoting community, democracy and wisdom world-wide through generating millions of open, respectful public conversations.

Conversation Cafés are lively hosted conversations among small groups of people with diverse views but a shared passion for engaging with others. Held in public spaces like cafés, restaurants and bookstores.

Conversation Cafés provide an open forum to talk about important topics over a cup of coffee or tea. People of every philosophical, political and personality stripe circle up around tables and steaming beverages to earnestly shift from small talk to BIG talk. Everyone is welcome. There's nothing to join. Anyone can come, just once or many times. There are no books to read, no assignments, and no dues (except a bite to eat at the café).

Conversation Cafés can not only provide closer communities, they can also be a conduit to providing additional local business exposure. Read more...

At Conversation Cafés, we will learn together how to create a culture of conversation-which is a culture of intelligence, peace, and political awareness. We are the media. We are the talk shows. We are America, waking up and tuning in.

more at the Conversation Cafe Website

If you're interested in hosting your own Conversation Cafe check out our Gaia Team Blog and our Gaia Gathering pod here at Gaia.

We would love to see you in person.  Please send Mark or Kelly (me) an email here at Gaia or directly to mark@gaia.com and kelly@gaia.com to let us know you will be attending.

We look forward to meeting more of our Gaia friends around Boulder!

It's a hilarious site anyways ... but you can also build your own images and caption them...  so the other night ... I did... and went a bit crazy with it!!

Check out my Cheezburger contributions, do vote if you feel inclined!!!

MsCapriKell's Lolz on icanhascheezburger


It's fun... especially if you have a ton of animal pictures like I do.

Your spirit animal has a Nobility ranking of 13 out of 18.

Your spirit animal is the cougar. It is a stealthy and deadly protector. With a cougar as a spirit animal, you have nothing to fear in this world. Your life is blessed and you are on the right path. You will still have hard times, but you will pull through them, always stronger for your travails. Congratulations, few are fotunate enough to have such a spirit animal!

So, I've been getting addicted to icanhascheezburger.com ... creating my own "lolz" as they call it ... using mostly my images.  This one struck me this morning as one to share on here:

This was a cat that lived next door to me in Morro Bay, CA (2004-2005)... it also did this pose for me, too, which has become one of my all-time favorite images (so I share this one this morning, too):

Animals are so present moment that it is so easy to "go there" with them... be in the NOW quickly!  :)  I deeply appreciate the animal kingdom!

...a vessel of light, a holy ghost, and frankly, so dang "hot."

Might as well *own it*, eh?!


{{giggles}}

Mars in Aries

This is a very impulsive position of Mars. The first instinct for Mars in Aries natives is to take action. Quick flare-ups characterize the Mars in Aries character, but their anger usually doesn't last for too long. In fact, these people generally don't live in the past, and are not given to holding grudges or feeling resentful. Generally, their temper comes quickly, and they deal with anger on issues right away—with this kind of character, there is little room for festering.

When Mars in Aries people listen to their instincts, they generally get things done, and they make fast and (usually) decent decisions. They don't naturally stop to smell the roses—or consider others' point of view—when they are deliberating over what to do next. In fact, "deliberation" works at lightning speed for these natives, so they could hardly be called deliberate. Spontaneity is one of their assets; as are simplicity, purity of action, and innovation.

Mars in Aries natives are often a step ahead of the rest of us. A life that is too predictable makes them antsy. Mars in Aries people enjoy starting fresh—new ideas, pioneering action, and fresh projects make them happiest. They generally enjoy challenges. Relationships with these natives can be exciting, but keeping up with them can be difficult. They are given to impulsive action, and they are not known for sticking things through. Although their physical energy is great, they can lose their initial enthusiasm quickly.

Mars in Aries natives are easily irritated by indirectness from others. They expect others to say things straight—no beating around the bush. They easily become impatient with convoluted plans, or with people they consider to be slow to action. Most people with this position of Mars have a childlike quality to them. Sometimes they're downright rude and impatient, but with Mars in Aries natives, you generally know what they're after. Unless Mars is afflicted in the chart, you can also pretty much trust that they don't have hidden agendas.