Being KICKED!

At times like this, it is useful to meditate on the words of that great guru, Winston Churchill, who famously said: “Never explain. Never apologize. Have it done and let them howl.” You are the BEST and you don't owe no nothin' to nobody except your smile and lovingkindness. H.

I totally agree with H's sentiment.  Also, I have to say a better question is what is it within this person that would cause any one to take on that sort of posturing?  It sounds like someone who has enough of her own issues. ”Let (s)he who is without sin…”

I also get to thinking that this sort of thing goes past spamming and verges on abuse.  It seems like the kind of thing that should be shared with the folks at Zaadz.  You can fill your language with sweet sounding niceties, but it really doesn't make it any more appropriate. Dunno, just my .02… It really doesn't seem appropriate to me.

Seriously, don't let this sort of thing rattle you.

Love and light,

–D.

Words are the least part of communication; energy and action speak far more truly.
You are in integrity when the life you are living on the outside matches who you are on the inside. You are lovable not for what you do. You are lovable for who you are. You can be helping many people, but if you are not helping yourself, you have missed the one person you were born to heal. You can't get to heaven by putting other people through hell.

I agree with ~D…this goes beyond holding a personal opinion and then having too much ego to share and place judgement on someone else. Always follow your heart in this life…no matter what or how you choose to live, someone will point a finger and crtisize you, tell you you are wrong…pointing fingers…means that the hand that points has three more pointing back at themselves. This is not about you, this is about this person's own self loathing…let it go.

But do report it to the zaadz team, it's very un-zaadz like behavior.
Shame on this person, carry your own opinions about people you really don't know, close to yourself…and judge not least you be judged.

Kelly,

I also received the same emails that you received!  Excerpted, somewhat, but the same & from the same zaadzster….. I agree with what Darshan, said -  I also get to thinking that this sort of thing goes past spamming and verges on abuse.

When I received mine,  I did report the mail as, If not spam then surely not the type of mail we'd want on zaadz.

You have no-thing to explain to anyone!

Love & (please) Peace, kindness, & respect  to All,
Peggy J

& when I posted this just written… I rec this email below….

uh huh

Responding to a big whinge on someone’s blog this morning
“Dear xl,
While public posting of private messages may be a violation of Zaadz terms of use,
I think it is good that the world can see that American Zaadzsters have nothing more important to talk about than their hurt feelings and what they are able to buy for themselves.
(….)

*********************

This is not my idea of Loving Kindness…:(

Oy! You've got to be kidding me.

I will just add a final and quick word upon my part…  Clearly, since this person has approached two Zaadzsters with this same sort of line, and no less site's Zaadz Terms of Service, that this person needs to be fully brought up to Zaadz.  There is a larger pattern here at work.

With all due respect, to me this is the positivity that should be showered upon the situation.  Because, frankly it is protecting of the Zaadz community at large.  And while, I am not a Wilber-ite, nor am I someone who quotes Ken Wilber very often, one quote comes to mind.

“Real compassion kicks butt and takes names, and it is not pleasant on certain days.

If you are not ready for this fire, then find a new-age, sweetness-and-light, soft-speaking, perpetually smiling teacher,
and learn to relabel your ego with spiritual sounding terms.

But stay away from those that practice real compassion, because they will fry your ass, my friend.”

I totally honor your words and respect your wishes whatever you choose to do, Kelli, but my thought is that by simply notifying Zaadz, a suggested course need not even be given.  Allowing Zaadz to at the very least, be aware of your situation means that they can take whatever course that is appropriate when it is appropriate.

Whatever happens, you know that you are not alone and that you have friends.

Blessings,

–D.

Here, Here -D…I'm with him! You don't have to be a catalyst for every person who presents an issue…”I still feel that we should surround this person with equal and unconditional loving energy to help with the catalyst that this situation has presented her as well… obviously something triggered her to voice her observation.  I feel it is important to express in a loving environment to allow the true core issue to be resolved…. or at least expose the shadow.” I know it's important to feel like you are doing right…and you are such a loving person, but there is a line in the sand, from which I for one will not cross…cross it if you want my friend, I will honor that, no matter what…but I don't have to agree with you and still totally love you. Because I do, and this person's problem, whatever it maybe…isn't your's or mine or anyone elses…it's hers…let her clean up her own shadows…and core issues…she didn't ask for help…she asked for some ass kicking compassion.
I am out on this one, but I do love and support you Kell…always.

great blog post… i scanned the other comments and think i may be able to add a few things. first, i love that it rattled you. bravo for letting it rattle you. if there were nothing in your energy that it resonated with, or at least had you question it would not have rattled you. but it did. zaadz is this multicultural experience increasingly and american culture is one culture, and of course there are cultures within cultures in this country alone.

the reader/commenter made a good point when she pointed out that she was not originally from this culture. non-profit people in this country can often make high salaries. this country and culture has unique views on money and how it is spent and at the same time it is the richest country in the world .. sorta. we also have a lot of debt both collectively and individually. so it is not necessarily what it seems. there are so many intricacies to that discussion.

having blogged and run groups i have been shocked and rattled myself along the way. i have come to see it as a purification process. there may be an aspect of you that feels guilty or even perhaps knows there is an imbalance in what occurred and how you were doing things. or there may be some aspect that feared. that is for you to sort out with yourself and your own inner inquiries and whatever divine connection you work with. i know for me i used to make a fairly high income in nyc and found that in spite of what i could make something in me didn't feel right about it. it wasn't that i was making so much money, it was that i didn't feel like i was doing what i was to be doing partially and also partly that no matter what others were making it didn't feel good to me to charge as much as people would be willing to pay - another very american cultural phenomenon. of course that happens elsewhere as well.

so for me various statements and abuses that occurred running my business, both on my side and on the side of clients saying they couldn't afford my services only to spend multiple times that amount for first class tickets for a 45 minute plane ride had me realize that i need to get centered around my financial views and not be so victimized by peoples' perceptions around money.

money is complex stuff for people. layers of culture and psyche around things. i don't think this woman (or man) needs to be demonized anymore than you do. in fact i think the comments are brilliant and the clash is incredible and should be exactly what is occurring on zaadz. better for someone to comment and stir us up at times than not to. it seemed to have been done honestly and relatively respectfully. i have both challenged and been challenged on zaadz. bravo to you for working to articulate and find your truth around all this.

zaadz is not just an american phenomenon clearly and so i think it is good to consider and be aware at times of how things can be perceived. it is a dance and likely will continue to be a dance (back and forth, some dynamic interchange, tension, and grace). thanks for sharing this on your blog and for truly looking into your soul around this and offering others the chance to do the same.

years ago i went in nyc to rent a place from an italian guy. i had my more american views on doing business and wanted a contract. i was fearful and trying to control things around all that. wanting to make sure for his sake and my own that i had a contract. i learned that they don't do business that way. they value one's word and honor differently. months later i needed to move out. i gave various items as well as the money for the rent when i left. we discussed the issue. they were fine and got the apartment rented out. i was glad i had not had some lease locking me in. culturally however i had to step out of my box to do so.

following that i helped a friend navigate a business negotiation in her interest and an italian company's interest because i was able to help her understand the culture and challenges she was facing as she was trying to nail them down using american cultural views on business. to us a contract can be a symbol of trust. to them it can be a symbol of lack of trust.

depending on the country and culture, not only is this person 'not american' but they are also from a specific culture. a specific continent. a specific religion and there can be such intense variance in things. i see this as a wonderful opportunity in learning multiculturalism around various communications. great things can come from clashes if we are all willing to look deeply where possible and sometimes just withdraw and agree to disagree, and at times to find middle ways of working and/or communicating.

your 'begging' raised reactions clearly in at least one person. likely others as well. clearly so did other actions there. if it didn't raise some sort of reaction then she wouldn't have reacted. if it didn't raise something in you then you wouldn't have reacted. as i see it life is not about 'not being rattled' so much as using the times we are rattled to get conscious and go within. best of luck in your process around this and others around their times of being rattled.

-d

wow. interesting.
(thanks, D)

(rubbing my hands together)
I would love to invite conscious spiritual people to help in wounded knee. Here we have oil meeting water. Where a people oppressed for 200 years, cant understand why the whites come out and try to save the starving dogs..in tears. (anmal rights activists, of course)

When they know (the silent viewer who will not respond to the white persons admonitions of wheres the spca) six or seven children in similar, if not worse, conditions… Our culture is not ready to experience the results of our own unconscious history. That woman might be a native american. Where in minus -60 due to wind chill, people huddle five families to a basement to keep warm, eating oil and trans fat heavy military comodities to survive, while slowly dieing of diabetes. “I didnt know, or I didnt do this” is a natural reaction, and it is not uncommon on a native american reservation. okay. Amazon…here, I have seen river people living on platforms…main food, the roots on the shore..usually younger to middle age, often dieing of malaria. This is why many land owners burn off the oxegen making trees, to get money to live.  So we can sometimes see in this, why someone would gasp at even the WORD pamper ..ones WHO? This in no way is meant as finger pointing… it is only what happens with international visibility, and why it is important to ask ourselves, if my freinds kids were crowded in small a basement, with really shitty food, and no windows, most the winter…how would I spend my money that was extra?

Meeting this scope of need, and it is huge, here in this country alone…is why we need to rebuild our systems altogether. If any of what I have said disturbes, or concerns you, please go to www.naturalvillages.org   for a little more educational information….and to stimulate solution action. Sustainability for all of us, every person, is the only solution.

no worries Kelly, we can't please everyone. and you don't have to explain yourself to other people who criticize without constructing. just keep doing what you do best.

~C (for Conscious capitalism has different strands)

Incidentally, your “friend” is very ignorant about the world. North America is not an island of wealth and luxury in a world of poverty.  Europe, Australia and much of East Asia has a comparable standard of living. The countries where people cannot afford anything beyond upholding life are all dictatoriships and/or in a state of war or civil war. Their culture need to evolve on a very basic level.  Yours need to evolve on a higher level.

Oh, Kelly.

Please. Think of the hypocrisy of your 'friend.' I assume s/he is using a computer and paying for internet access; this alone puts him or her in the top 10 percent of the world's population. Why isn't s/he using the time s/he's spending online to raise money for the poor? Or sending the money s/he's spend on her computer to impoverished countries? You don't need to defend yourself or your actions; you're acting with love and honor and integrity. I, personally, feel bad for whomever this person it. S/he must be tremendously embittered if s/he thinks making others feel bad about themselves is a good use of her time. My heart goes out to this person; I can't imagine s/he's very happy with him or herself, and it saddens me to think of someone so lacking in love or empathy or care. I don't sense much compassion in the excerpts you've posted.

Because Kelly! You're a worthwhile and amazing human being. You deserve to take care of yourself and to treat yourself with love. I've never seen or heard you blame anyone else, or seen you point fingers or criticize or otherwise contribute to the negativity of the world.

I do wish that this person would post publicly; those cruel jabs at individuals about whether or how Zaadz is seen by the rest of the world, or what our collective appearance and influence is, seem unfair to me. But I understand, too, that this individual might not feel courageous enough to express him or herself to the community at a whole. Some of us are braver than others.

But Kelly? Love to you, and as so many others have written, please don't feel obligated to explain or justify your actions. I feel, at least, that we each must treat ourselves with as much love and compassion and care as we do the rest of the world if we are to live with integrity, so please take care of your beautiful heart. You deserve no less.

i have to say that i LOVE the thread here and the various reactions and perspectives. this has been a great read and a fun communal process in a number of ways i think.

Hey there! I just found this randomly.  I think this person has their own suffering to deal with, and that's why they're reacting this way.  Sounds like they're very jealous too!!! ;)  The important thing to see is that it's completely impersonal.  They are unconsciously trying to push their “opinions” (thoughts in the head) onto you.  And it has nothing to do with you!!!  It is just their pain coming up from a story based on past experience which lives somewhere deep in their psyche.  It is a story of what is and is not right according to what they've been through.  The story is getting triggered through what they see you doing, but it has nothing to do with you.  You are just the trigger and they are reacting unconsciously because of the story formed from past experience which caused them pain.  It's probably a story of financial lack, and jealousy for those who do have a bit of financial freedom, or guilt because they themselves feel that they're not doing enough for the world, or because they're doing too much and aren't being kind enough to their “self”, or maybe they feel powerless, who knows, but usually what we lash out against in others is what's unconscious in us.

However, it seems that you have a very pure heart in that you reacted with reason and even allowed yourself to be hurt by their response, and were very honest with what you were feeling!!! Kudos to you!!!  I wish you luck in your spiritual counseling practice and wish me the same, it is what I'm doing as well!!! :)

I have fallen in someone's eyes……..

Just received…  this… And I didn't even get a tatto!!:)!

Zaadz Ambassador posts a private email

Kelly,

I also received the same emails that you received! Excerpted, somewhat, but the same & from the same zaadzster….. I agree with what Darshan, said - I also get to thinking that this sort of thing goes past spamming and verges on abuse.

When I received mine, I did report the mail as, If not spam then surely not the type of mail we’d want on zaadz.

You have no-thing to explain to anyone!

Love & (please) Peace, kindness, & respect to All,
Peggy J

& when I posted this just written… I rec this email below….

uh huh

Responding to a big whinge on someone’s blog this morning
“Dear xl,
While public posting of private messages may be a violation of Zaadz terms of use,
I think it is good that the world can see that American Zaadzsters have nothing more important to talk about than their hurt feelings and what they are able to buy for themselves.
(….)

*********************

This is not my idea of Loving Kindness…:(

I am very disappointed in you. Peggy.

Dear You Know Wo You Are!

Well there is simply no-thing  to say …………  Done. Finish. katum! The End….

nothing better to do than talk about hurt feelings. hrm. interesting. sounds like this person likely neglects their own feelings and perhaps is not conscious of the layers of law of attraction involved in hurt feelings and the discussion of them.

perhaps like an earlier poster said, this is part of evolving consciousness in some ways. some americans are evolving with consciousness around what they create in the business world. others evolving around emotions. other countries are evolving around food. definitely a lot of anger coming from this person.

i personally am not too offended by their posts and don't think they should be quelched really. i think they are offering a lot of contrast, and clearly have a lot of emotion, but also they are clearly reacting and being drawn to do so. a law of attraction view would say we are attracting this for some reason, or those who are attracting it. also, would say that those stirred by it have some resonance around it or wouldn't be stirred around it. i have definitely found it stirring me in various ways and clearly others have as well.

clearly american zaadzsters talk about much more than their hurt feelings and what they are able to buy themselves and since we are not always worried about where our next meal will come from then we are not forced to think about how to do that all the time. so yeah, we are fortunate to be able to think about our feelings and what we buy and i am not sure there should be shame about it.

that said, we are on zaadz, this is not myspace. if someone wants to see what americans can think about and do think about, we are surely not the only site for people to look at and not the site that would most shame americans anyhow. but yah, this is what many of us think about. this is the karma we are working out while others work out other karma. at the same time, peace corps work is at an all time high. zaadz is also a downtime place for many people, so it is what we talk about in our downtime. look at what others talk about in their downtime if you want to compare apples to apples, and even then it is different.

i think the commenter raises some good points. americans don't really think about how we are perceived in many ways. i am not sure it should make us change our ways entirely, but at times just to consider it may not be a bad thing, depending on the audience we may work with and interact with. i have found a variety of comments here and other places it has been discussed quite useful. in fact the fact that an american talks about their feelings on this subject would show some interest in being conscious about it. so people who are critical may want to take that into consideration as well.

ultimately though, those who are critical of discussing hurt feelings may want to consider that their own feelings may need some attention as they ultimately manifest in the body and a variety of other places in their life. mind/body stuff is pretty well accepted on a national and international level at this point. denying our feelings would not be so healthy. so maybe other countries could learn something from people feeling their feelings and discussing them.

I also wnder what might have happened here if the immeditate response was :

1) not a reaction (wow, a hurt person is talking to me)
2) used as an opportunity to expand love (“is there a way I can support you or be helped in understanding why you say this?)

There is no such thing as a harsh comment without pain under it. There is no such thing as an enemy in the realm, only those seeking to become the love of creator, and who get stuck in harsh and confusing places along the way…lovelovelovelove

reminds me of the quote…

'when one knows the tao (the way) they will serve their enemy' - lao tzu (approx quote)

and…

the buddhist idea that the enemy is the friend and greatest teacher

definitely a challenge to open to conflict and open to criticism and look within around it.

man, this thread is on fire! but before we judge people left and right, i think it's good to remind ourselves that the meaning of our communication is the response we get. let's all reflect on that for a while… carry on…

~C

oh one more thing: just want to remind everyone that posting private messages/e-mails on blogs and forums without the permission of the sender is considered bad netiquette.

so whenever we have disagreements, let's do our best so settle this privately. here's one way of dealing with “nasty emails”:

1. “If you receive a nasty e-mail - do not respond immediately - if at all. People are very bold and overly critical on the other side of this screen. In my experience they tend to not hesitate to point out the things they think you need improvement on while not even noticing the good or positive points on the very same issue. Many times these folks are simply trying to get a rise out of you (this is called trolling) or are trying to make themselves feel self-important. Sometimes they are just plain jerks. If you do not have something nice or constructive to say, or at the very least sternly professional - just hit delete.”